


The angel watching over Sam

by Mykingdomforacupoftea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friendship, M/M, Minor Character Death, No Hunting, Priest!Castiel, nice!lucifer, the pairing will be very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25225912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mykingdomforacupoftea/pseuds/Mykingdomforacupoftea
Summary: Little Sam has an imaginary friend. Which is pretty normal for his age.Little Sam's imaginary friend is the Devil. Which is actually not very normal.
Relationships: (not endgame), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Lucifer & Sam Winchester, Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Comments: 63
Kudos: 178





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate universe : no hunting, the only supernatural creature is Lucifer.  
> English is not my first language and I don't have a beta reader.  
> As the tag says, the pairing Lucifer/Sam will be very soft. Sam is a child for a while so it's a basic friendship at first.

The Winchester family wasn’t particularly religious. They said grace every now and then, for Christmas eve or else, but no one could have pegged them as church goers. Mary liked the idea of angels though. John was a bit doubtful about the angel figurine she had bought the day they had decided to name their second son Sam, but it wasn’t a real concern. Dean had pouted a bit, saying he would perfectly be capable of protecting his little brother when he would be born, and that he didn’t need some unknown angel. 

In Lebanon, Kansas, there were many churches. One in particular was famous : Stull church. A hundred years ago, five exorcists, led by Jimmy Novak, had taken upon themselves the task to trap the devil inside the place. They had performed a particularly complex ritual, that required three days and three nights, some rare artefacts they had obtained in the last decades and a lot of holy oil. On the last night however, a part of the church collapsed and a fire started. There were no survivors. Not even the three other priests who lived there. The local had latched onto the event, and it quickly became a urban legend. Some thoughts the exorcists had failed, and that the Devil had killed them and left. But many like thinking that despite their deaths, they had succeeded and that the Devil was indeed trapped somewhere inside the walls. The church was often visited by teens looking for a thrill, but nothing supernatural had ever happened. Still, no one ignored the legend, even if people came to the mass without fear. 

Mary and John went to that church sometimes. Not because they cared for their souls or something like that, but because Karen, Bobby’s wife, definitely cared. Bobby himself wasn’t a believer at all, but he liked watching his wife smiling peacefully after the mass. They had Dean, their first son, baptised, mostly for her sake. She loved the child and spoiled him with pies as much as she could, which were actually better that his mother’s pies – but nothing on earth would make Dean admit it, because he loved his Mom more than anything. There was also another reason for them going to that church. Dean insisted they went sometimes to see Castiel. Castiel Novak was a young priest, who began working here a few months ago. His family was linked to the church, as his grand-grand-father was Jimmy Novak. He met Dean first. The three year-old had escaped his parents’ attention and had somewhat managed to fall into a well. Castiel was the one who rescued him and Dean couldn’t stop singing his praises. The priest was always happy to see him, and cared for him as much as Bobby and Karen did. 

On the present day, Mary seriously wondered what she had gotten herself into. There was a nurse on her right, while John was on her left. Dean, Bobby, Karen and Castiel were outside the room. She had no idea how she came to accept this. She knew that more and more mothers liked to give birth in their home. Their home. Not a church. So why was she, on this day, giving birth in that church, she didn’t know. Castiel and Karen had obviously a lot to do with this. Angels. She could think of angels. She liked angels. Yes, she decided, there was an angel wathcing over Sam, so nothing could go wrong. Maybe he was particular and wanted Sam to be born in a church. That made sense. Actually, it didn’t make sense at all, but she was in pain and was trying hard to relax.  
Sam was born on the second of May, in the afternoon. Dean was over-excited. Everyone congratulated Mary and warmly welcomed Sam. No one noticed the cracks newly formed in the walls, and if they noticed the ones on the altar, they didn’t make the connection with Sam’s birth. Who would have ?


	2. Chapter 1

Sam was a quiet child. His teachers all agreed to say that he was smart, well-behaved and full of potential. His parents were very proud of him, but not as much as Dean. No one was as proud as Dean when it came to his little brother. They were different, but got along very well. Dean kept his promise and always watched over him. That’s why John and Mary were a bit surprised when Sam began talking about his imaginary friend. They had worried about Sam making friends, like any parents, but he was doing well. On his first school day, he made three friends. Jess, who had pockets in her dress she was very proud about, Crowley, who claimed to whoever wanted to hear that he would become a king someday and Garth, who was a bit weird but was a really good friend. Between them and Dean, they didn’t think he would feel the need for an imaginary friend. 

‘He’s a child, don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal, Bobby said. It doesn’t mean he feels lonely. Sam has a lot of imagination.’

‘You’re right I suppose, John sighed. Dean never had an imaginary friend, and he didn’t have a brother, so…’

‘Every child is different, Castiel reminded them with his grave voice. Sam seems perfectly well.’

Sam had met Luci when he was four. Dean wasn’t with him, and he wanted to show him that he wasn’t a small child anymore, and that he could climb to trees. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do such things, especially alone. But Castiel wasn’t too far, and the trees in the church’s garden were not that high. So he climbed carefully, minding where he put his feet. He got to the second branch when he slipped. He didn’t shout, too surprised. The impact knocked his breath out and he felt tears gathering on his eyes. He tried to get up, but his ankle hurt too much. His hands and knees were all scrapped up. 

‘Falling hurts, eh ?’

Sam looked up to see a blond man standing next to him. He wore a used jean with a white T-shirt, and was scratching his stubble. 

‘Who are you ? I’ve never seen you.’ 

‘Name’s Lucifer.’

The man crouched and put a hand on Sam’s ankle. A warm feeling washed over it and it stopped hurting. Sam opened wide eyes, mouth hanging open. 

‘How did you do that ?’ 

The man didn’t answer. Instead of that, he stood up and looked all around. He flexed his shoulders, as if waiting for something to happen. He seemed to glow faintly, for a while and behind him…

‘You have wings ! Sam exclaimed.’

The man lift an eyebrow, then had a little smirk.

‘You can see them ? Should have known.’

‘Are you an angel ? My Mom said that angels had wings.’

The blond answered slowly, as if he weren’t sure of himself.

‘I guess I am. But I can’t fly anywhere.’ 

The glow and the wings had disappeared, to Sam’s disappointment. He barely had the time to see them. It wasn’t everyday that one met a real angel. 

‘Sam ?’

That was Mary’s voice. She looked worried. Of course she was, for as much as Sam was different from Dean, they still have the same taste for sneaking past any adult’s vigilance. She took in his scrapped hands and knees, and rushed to him, running past Lucifer without a glance. 

‘What happened ? You fell ? ‘

‘Yes, he admitted. But it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt. The angel healed me.’

‘An angel, love ?’ 

She was smiling, wiping his cheeks. She always told him about angels when she put the boys to sleep. Dean didn’t care about them, but Sam always listened with full attention. 

‘He’s here. You don’t see him ?’

‘No Sam. It’s your angel. Not anyone can see them. But I’m thanking him. Now, let’s go home.’

The angel hadn’t moved, eyes still on Sam. He watched them leaving the garden, Sam waving to him. 

‘Bye Luci !’ 

Sam didn’t see the offended look on the angel’s face. 

From that moment, he saw him from times to times. Always in the church. He was often in the garden, near the apple tree. Sometimes he was inside the church, watching the priests and the people who came. No one could see him except Sam. Not even Dean. Dean was actually feeling a bit betrayed when Sam mentioned the angel.

‘He has really big wings ! And he’s cool.’

‘Okay, but don’t climb the tree alone again. You were lucky this time.’

‘You don’t believe me, do you ?’

‘I never saw an angel. I don’t think they exist.’

Sam gave up after a few times. Besides, he didn’t see Lucifer that much. He almost always appeared when Sam was alone. He asked to go to the church more. Dean was happy to listen to Castiel, who told them biblical stories. Sam tried to be left alone so Lucifer would come, but it didn’t work that much. He asked Castiel about angels. 

‘They protect humans. You can pray to them if you want.’

‘How ?’

Castiel taught him a prayer, which he religiously listened to. He began praying every night. 

‘Dear Luci, today Crowley made Garth eat a worm. He puked all over. I didn’t want to laugh, but I couldn’t help it. And Garth didn’t stay mad too long after Crowley. ‘

‘Dear Luci, why don’t you come see me anymore ? Are you busy doing angel things ? What do angels have to do ? Do you have a job like humans ?’

‘Dear Luci, Dean is sick because he ate too much pie. I wish I could heal him like you did.’

‘Dear Luci, would you let me see your wings again ? I think they’re beautiful.’ 

He had seen him a dozen times since their first encounter. The angel didn’t talk much, mostly looking around him or staring at Sam. He never stayed long. After the last time, he didn’t appear for a whole year. Sam was disappointed and wondered if he could hear his prayers.  
Sam was seven when Lucifer began to appear more. Sam and Dean were listening to Castiel, who was telling them about Abel and Cain. They both shuddered and looked at each other. 

‘Well, I would never hurt my brother !’

‘Me neither !’

Castiel smiled and asked if they wanted to hear another story. Dean asked he could see the crane of Saint Peter again. Lucifer had appeared behind Castiel, lazily tracing the sculptures on the wall. 

‘Sam ? You coming ?’

‘I want to look at the book a bit more.’

Castiel had brought some illustrated books, which painted different stories from the Bible. The images were well drawn and Sam liked looking at them. He particularly liked the story of the apple and the snake, but it was maybe because the tree painted on the page looked a lot like the one in the church’s garden. 

‘Don’t go anywhere, okay ?’ 

He nodded, waiting for them to be out of sight. Lucifer had come closer, looking at the book too. 

‘Do you know that story ? Sam asked. How can you kill your own brother ? ‘

‘I know a lot of stories. But they’re different. It didn’t always happened like they say in the books.’

He didn’t say anything else. 

‘Did you hear my prayers ? I prayed to you. Castiel taught me how.’

‘I did.’ 

Lucifer stroked the illustration which depicted Caïn killing Abel. He looked lost in his thoughts for a while.

‘He didn’t kill his brother because he hated him. He killed him because he loved him.’

‘But if you love someone, why woud you kill them ?’

‘He was afraid for him. He knew that Abel was talking to the devil and he feared that he would end up in hell. So he made a deal. Abel would go to heaven, but Caïn had to kill him himself. ‘

‘Really ? But the books don’t say that. Castiel doesn’t know that.’

‘No human knows that.’

‘But you’re telling me. ‘Sam said, confused.

‘Because you believe me.’

‘But others could believe you too. My Mom and Dad…’

‘They don’t even believe you when you say I exist.’ Lucifer said abruptly. 

Sam didn’t really know what to say.

‘But you’re real, right ? I heard Dad say I imagined you, but you’re real. Mom believes in angels, she says you exist too. I will tell her, you’ll see, she’ll believe me !’ 

‘I’m very real, Sam. But you’re the only one who can see me.’

‘Why ?’

‘We’re bounded, you and I.’

‘Because you’re my guardian angel ?’ 

Lucifer didn’t have the time to answer before the bells rang. The door opened and another priest entered. His name was Zachariah. He was much older than Castiel and always had a serious face. Dean hated him, because he always scolded him for running in the church. Sam didn’t mind him, but it was true that the priest wasn’t very friendly. 

‘What are you doing here alone ? Did you wash your hands before touching that ?’

‘Yes, Father. Castiel was showing us Caïn and Abel.’

‘It’s Father Castiel.’

Zachariah took a small book on the table and left quickly. 

‘What a dick.’ 

Sam gasped. 

‘What ? It’s true.’

‘I’m not allowed to say bad words.’

‘Well, I’m an angel. I’m allowed.’ 

Sam giggled.

‘That’s pretty cool. Dean would be jealous.’ 

He hesitated a bit, but his curiosity was too strong.

‘Luci, can I see your wings ?’

‘Why do you call me that ?’

‘Luci ? It’s a nickname. You don’t like it ? 

The angel looked at Sam for a moment, then shrugged. 

‘You can call me Sammy if you want. ‘ He offered, as Lucifer seemed unsure. 

He flexed his shoulders, like he had done the first time they met. The glow was there again, and the wings slowly ermerged. Sam squirmed on his chair in excitation. They were big, all black. They seemed a bit mussed though and some feathers were clearly missing. A faint odor of smoke rose. Sam was in awe. 

‘They’re beautiful.’ 

He lifted his hand without thinking. Lucifer took a step back. Sam stilled his hand, holding his breath. Lucifer narrowed his eyes, looking Sam straight in the eyes. He got a bit closer, then extended a wing towards the child. Question answered without a word, Sam tentatively put his hand on the feathers. They were soft and Sam laughed. 

‘Thank you !’ 

The angel had the faintest smile. He looked towards the door, as if checking is someone was coming, then proceeded to pluck a feather from his left wing. He held it in front of Sam. 

‘Sam. Take this, and keep it.’

Sam took the feather, impressed. The door opened once again. 

‘Sam, we’re going home.’ John said, holding Dean by the shoulder – or trying to, because Dean never stayed still. 

Sam closed the book, the feather still in his hand. When he looked up, Lucifer had disappeared.


	3. chapter 2

Sam put the feather on his nightstand. Then in his backpack. Then in his favourite book. He liked stroking the barbs, separating them to put them together again. He would have liked to keep it on him all the time, but he didn’t want to damage it. He prayed to the feather every night, like he had done for now three years. He had wanted to put some biscuits on his nightstand too, but his father had reminded him that angels were not Santa Claus. Besides, he had never seen him outside the church. 

‘Does he wear a dress ? With a harp ?’ Dean liked to tease about his feathery friend. 

‘I told you, he doesn’t ! ‘

But Dean never let it go and sometimes crossed the room on tip-toes, mimicking a harp. Sam always rolled his eyes. His friends were a bit more interested, but it was difficult to constantly taking about someone you were the only one to have ever seen. 

‘Are you sure he’s an angel ?’ Garth asked. ‘Why did he say he couldn’t fly then ?’

‘My cousin watched a horror movie with his girlfriend, and there were people who made a pact with a demon. Do you think demons also exist ?’ Crowley was adjusting his paper crown but always moved too quickly for it to stay in place. 

‘You can’t make a pact with a demon ! ‘ Jess exclaimed. ‘They’re bad people. They trick you ! I know that, they always say it at mass.’ 

Jess’ parents were fervent believers. They never came to the church though. Not that one. Jess had asked to go with Sam and Dean sometimes, but her parents had made a funny face and told her no. They weren’t particularly thrilled to know that Jess had friends who didn’t believe. The Winchester family was nice, but you only saw them at mass twice a year. Their second son was born in a church, but it hadn’t changed anything. 

‘What would you ask?’ Sam wondered. He already prayed to Lucifer about his family, to keep them safe. He had no particular need.

‘I want to be king !’ Crowley whined. ‘So no one ever say something mean about Mom again.’ 

That, Sam could sympathise. They didn’t really understand why, but the others parents didn’t seem to like Mrs MacLeod. Crowley didn’t have a father, and his mother often worked at night, always in the big city not too far from where they lived. They had come from Scotland and Mrs MacLeod had a funny, singing accent that Sam liked a lot. She was a short woman, with red hair and always had pretty dresses. Crowley had told them that her job was being queen, giving orders and being obeyed. He believed her, especially since the day he found a whip under her bed. He couldn’t imagine someone disobeying his mother, but if they did, they certainly deserved to be whipped. The other adults though, didn’t seem to believe her. They stayed at distance and seemed embarrassed when the children asked about her.   
The bell rang. It was story time, which Sam loved. Their teacher, Mrs Harvelle, was a fierce but kind woman. She had been away two years before, the time to have a baby. There had been a party and Sam had seen little Jo, even if he didn’t really know what to do with babies. Mrs Harvelle lent books to Sam sometimes. John and Mary liked her a lot and he knew that Bobby knew her from before. Dean swore that they had dated in high school and Sam guessed it was true, because Bobby was still blushing when he talked about her. 

‘I would like to ask you something. I want you to write a short story about someone you like and draw two images to illustrate it. You have two weeks. Questions?’

She answered a few questions : should it be true ? – not necessarily, could it be a celebrity – yes, could it be your Mom – yes, then when everyone began babbling about what they were gonna write, she went on with the book they began talking about the week before. Sam’s mind was already somewhere else. 

Castiel didn’t work that day. Zachariah was the only one there. Sam managed to let his parents let him stay a bit after school, if Dean brought him. It was a small town and they knew that Dean was serious when it came to his brother. As Castiel wasn’t here, Dean announced he would go home first. Their parents would come get Sam. He looked around him, then dropped a rubber duck in the holy water font. He knew Zachariah would be furious. He quickly left, already laughing. Sam rolled his eyes, but he was laughing too. He went to the garden, settling at the foot of the apple tree. He was half through a bar of Snickers when he heard the tell-tale flutter of wings that always went with Lucifer’s appearance. 

‘Hey Luci ! Do you want a Snickers ?’

‘A what ?’ 

Sam showed him the wrapped candy. The angel frowned.

‘I don’t need to eat.’ 

‘But it’s good ! You never eat anything ?’ 

Lucifer shrugged and plucked an apple from the tree. He took two bites and threw the rest further. 

‘Oh.’ Sam smiled fondly. ‘You’re like Dean. Zachariah is gonna be mad. He hates it when we leave those in the garden. Well, I’m not sure he likes it when we eat the apples at all.’

‘I knew someone like that.’ 

‘Who ?’

‘My father. Well, he didn’t really say so. He sent our older brother.’

‘You have an older brother too ! What is he like?’ Sam asked, excited to know more about Lucifer. 

The angel sighed. 

‘He was… Michael was… The oldest. I loved him. Always scolding us. But he was the strongest, and he used to look out for me. He taught me to make stars.’ 

‘You made stars ?’

‘It was a long time ago.’ 

‘How long ?’ 

‘Long ago. Before humans.’

‘Before dinosaurs?’ 

Sam had learned about the dinosaurs in class and he had spent months obsessed with them, learning all the species. Dean had made him watch Jurassic Park and the nightmares he had because of that had calmed him down. Lucifer snorted.

‘Well, there’s a funny story about the dinosaurs…’ 

John stepped into the garden, knowing that Sam would have been here for almost an hour, according to Zachariah. Sam was talking with animation, flailing his arms and laughing. Alone. John frowned. He had already talked about this with Mary and she was sure it was normal, but John was a bit worried. Sam talked a lot about his imaginary friend. It was always ‘Luci this’ and ‘Luci that’. They thought it would stop with time, but it only seemed to increase. What was weird was that Sam claimed that he didn’t see him often. If he had invented a friend, why did he imagine not seeing him? John was concerned about Sam, because he was afraid that the child felt lonely. He always had been worried about being a father, for he didn’t remember his much. The man had disappeared when he was about Sam’s age and no one ever knew where he had gone. 

‘Sam.’

‘Dad !’ 

‘Oh Sam, we told you boys not to throw apple cores on the floor, Zachariah is gonna get angry !’

‘It’s not me, Dad, it’s Luci.’ 

‘Sam !’ 

And there it was. John was right to worry. Having an imaginary friend was one thing, but use it to lie was another. Sam was frowning, looking at the tree. 

‘I told him. But he’s like Dean sometimes.’ 

‘Pick it up, we’ll talk about this later.’ John sighed. 

Sam waved goodbye to Lucifer and put his hand in his father’s. The angel was right, he seemed worried. 

‘You don’t have to worry Dad. You’re a good father and I’m not lonely at all. And you’re here, you’re not gonna disappear like your Dad.’

John stopped so abruptly that a woman bumped into him. He apologized then stared at Sam in disbelief. 

‘How do you know that ? Who told you?’

‘Luci told me. He can know a lot of things about people when he looks at them. He said you were worried about me. You don’t have to. I’m okay.’

John was speechless. He really didn’t think Mary or someone else had told Sam about his absent grandfather. But who knew ? Maybe Mary had told him. There was no other explanation.   
Dean was playing videogames when they came home. He always let Sam come into his room and play with him. Sam knew that some of his classmates’ older siblings often shunned them because they were deemed too young to play with, but Dean wasn’t like that. He adored his little brother and they were very close. Sam knocked and let himself into Dean’s room, climbing on the bed. Dean was slaying demons with great enthusiasm. 

‘Hey Sammy. How was school?’

‘It was okay. Crowley is a bit sad these days. There are guys in another class who bother him and call his mother names.’

‘Yeah? Not everyone has a big and strong older brother, you’re lucky ! Besides, they’re morons, I wouldn’t say anything bad about the witch, I don’t want to get cursed.’

‘Saying she’s a witch is not totally nice.’

‘She’s a witch, but she’s a good one. I think.’ Dean said, scratching his nose. He liked Mrs MacLeod enough, but he was a bit scared of her. He had heard her speaking in something that was definitely not English and even if his parents had explained that she came from another country and therefore had a different language, he was convinced she had been casting some spell.   
Sam watched Dean play, playing with Lucifer’s feather he had taken out of his bag. 

‘Hey, did Zachariah saw the rubber duck? Man, I wish I had seen his face.’

‘I don’t think so. I didn’t hear anyone yelling.’

‘You still playing with that thing?’

Dean was as worried as their father when it came to Sam’s imaginary friend. He was scared of not being enough for Sam. He had been moody when he went to junior high school, because he didn’t like being too far from Sam. The school complex reunited the three levels, so they would be in the same area even when Dean would go to high school, but it wasn’t the same. 

‘I’ve got homework to do, I should begin.’ 

Sam was excited about the assignment. He had an idea and he wanted to begin now. He would ask more details to Lucifer another day. He wondered where Lucifer’s brother was. He didn’t seem very happy when talking about him. Sam wanted to ask, but the angel had distracted him with the dinosaur story. He was a good story teller.   
John handed his wife a bowl and a knife. She was making meatloaf – he tried sometimes to do it, but it wasn’t as good. 

‘Mary, did you tell Sam about my father?’

‘Your father ? No, why?’ 

‘He knows he disappeared. He told me not to worry about him and that I was a good father. I don’t know, it’s just… How could he know that?’

‘Well, someone must have told him, but I don’t know who.’

‘That’s the thing ! Mary, he says his imaginary friend told him. And, the apple, he said it was him too, I don’t like him lying…’

‘You’re rambling, love, I don’t understand what you’re talking about !’

‘It’s not important… He’s just really wrapped up in this imaginary friend thing and I’m worried he will begin to hide things from us. I thought Dean would be the only bad influence.’ John added, laughing. 

‘Dean is plenty bad influence ! Castiel called me just before you arrived, Zachariah said he found a rubber duck in the stoup. He’s convinced it’s Dean of course. And honestly, I think he’s right !’ 

‘Zachariah doesn’t like us anyway. He’s still upset about me refusing the biblical classes on Sundays for the boys.’ 

‘They’re kinda getting them from Castiel. Well, I think Castiel could make Dean listen to anything. Sam is a dreamer, John. Maybe I am the bad influence after all ! I was the one to tell him about angels. No wonder he wants to see one.’

John took his wife in his arms, kissing her hairline. 

‘There’s nothing bad about you. You’re right, I worry too much. He chose an angel, could have been worse !’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer season 5 's trailer is out ! I'm excited ! I still like Supernatural Lucifer better, but at least this Lucifer may have a good ending.   
> In this fic, there are a lot of people who get a happier life. I mean, Crowley gets his loving Mom and it makes me happy.


	4. chapter 3

He was falling. Around him was either the deepest darkness or a blinding light that burned his skin. He didn’t know how long he had been falling, but it seemed to him like he had never known anything else. A distant echo – was it a voice ? – was ringing in his head, like it was constantly about to fade but never did. He couldn’t feel his body and yet, it seemed strangely distant, barely his own. The darkness was clinging to him, burying him. The ringing was louder. He was scared. He wanted to call for his brother but the words didn’t go past his throat.

He was suddenly aware of arms around him. He blinked a few times, out of breath, cheeks wet. His mother was stroking his hair, calling his name in a soft voice.

‘Sam, are you okay ? You’re safe, it was a nightmare.’

He hugged her, still shaken up.

‘Luci…’

He was still crying. The nightmare seemed to cling to him. His voice came out shaky.

‘Something happened to Luci. Something bad. He was hurt.’

‘In your dream? Who hurt him?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘It’s okay, Sam, it’s not real, just a bad dream. Luci is fine, I’m sure.’

‘I want to see him.’

‘Then call him.’

‘He won’t come. He can only be in the church.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. I want to see him.’

‘Then pray to him, maybe he’ll answer.’

‘He never does.’

Mary frowned against Sam’s hair. She was beginning to share John’s concern. You weren’t supposed to get that distressed over an imaginary friend. She remembered having one when she was a child and once, she had got into an ‘argument’ with her. But she hadn’t felt really sad, because she knew it wasn’t real. Sam had given Luci a lot of details and seemed convinced some things happened by his friend’s doing. The other day, Sam had been found in a room that was supposed to be locked, and he pretended that it was his friend who had opened it. No one knew how he really did it. They wondered if someone simply forgot to lock the door, but according to Castiel, no one had opened it in a few years. Dean was a bit jealous that Sam didn’t included him in his mischief. Mary managed to calm Sam down and put him to sleep. She let the light on and kissed his forehead before closing the door. Sam was clutching the feather in his hand. It was a miracle it didn’t got crumpled, because he took it everywhere.

Sam sometimes had nightmares. They mostly involved clowns – dinosaurs related nightmares were finally over. But this dream had left him a particularly bad feeling. Furthermore, he was sure it wasn’t really a dream. It wasn’t his own, at least. He didn’t know what made him think that, but he knew it. And he knew it was linked to Lucifer. The dream was his. He wanted to see him badly, but he hadn’t shown the last few days.

Sam felt a strong body push into his shoulder and rush past him. He turned his head to see two boys making a straight line to Crowley. Gordon and Uriel were both older than them and liked to pick on Crowley. Crowley wasn’t a fighter.

‘Hey, leave him alone !’ Jess yelled. She stepped tentatively forward, but they were the biggest children of the playground and they knew it.

‘We’re not doing anything wrong, we’re just telling the truth!’

‘Yeah, it’s not our fault if his mom is a whore !’

Sam could see that Crowley’s nose was twitching, as if did when he tried not to cry. He pushed violently at Uriel.

‘We said to leave him alone.’

‘Oh, you want to fight ? Careful, big brother isn’t there to protect you!’

They didn’t even look at each other. Jess and Sam both jumped into the fight. It was a blur, until they were separated by Mrs Harvelle and Mr Lafitte. They all ended up in the director’s office. Mrs Mills asked them what happened, in her stern tone that meant she wasn’t joking.

‘I wouldn’t have expected that from you two. I’ll have to call your parents.’

‘But it’s not fair !’ Jess said. ‘They always pick on Crowley and call his mother names.’

Mrs Mills gave a dark look to Gordon and Uriel, who seemed to shrink on themselves.

‘Is it true?’

‘Huh…no …?’

‘Maybe…’

It was hard to lie to Jody Mills’ face. The fight had been worth it, only to see their pitiful look.

‘There’s absolutely no reason to call anyone’s mother names, understood ? And leave Crowley alone, I don’t want to see you two near him.’

They both nodded vigorously.

‘I’ll call your parents too. And the four of you will punished. No fighting, okay ?’

She kept them a bit more, trying to teach each of them a lesson. She had already heard about Gordon and Uriel, but had never caught them in the act. She barely knew their families, but she knew that Uriel’s father was a hunter, and from what she had heard, not the friendly kind.

Sam and Jess joined Crowley in class. Jess told him what happened and took great delight in describing how the two bullies had cowered before Mrs Mills. He had a small smile. Mrs Harvelle asked for silence.

‘I hope you all made you assignment, I can’t wait to hear what you all did! Who wants to begin?’

Garth, who was very disappointed to have missed the fight, began. He told the story of how he met Bobby. His parents had car problems, and they had been told to go to Bobby’s. It was already dark and they had been welcomed by a hunting gun pointed at their face. Garth had been scared of Bobby for months and hid behind his mother when the man saw them in town. He warmed up to him with time, especially when Bobby gave him his cap. After a few other kids, it was Sam’s turn. He got his work out and began explaining.

‘This is Luci. He’s an angel and he’s my friend. He lives in the church next to the cemetery. He is very old and he played with dinosaurs.’

He showed the first drawing to the class.

‘That’s Luci and his brothers. They played with asteroids and they missed, they threw it too far and it hit the earth with the dinosaurs. He didn’t do it on purpose, but his older brother was really angry. That’s Michael, who’s making an angry face, and Gabriel who is laughing.’

He showed the second drawing. 

‘That’s when he turned into a snake and asked a woman if she wanted to eat an apple. She was scared of him at first, but she accepted. Michael was also angry and their father was even more angry.’

‘What is she wearing?’ A girl named Pepper asked.

‘Leaves. It’s Eve, in the garden of Eden.’ It was Jess who answered her. ‘That’s when the Devil condemned humanity.’

‘Luci did it because God wanted it.’ Sam said, on the defensive.

‘No, the Devil disobeyed God and made Eve eat the apple.’

‘But he didn’t made her, she took it. He told me.’

‘Oookay, that’s a very imaginative retelling, Sam. I didn’t know you were into biblical stories.’ Mrs Harvelle said, to calm down things. ‘Thank you for your work.’

Sam was a bit upset. He didn’t like Jess saying that Lucifer was the Devil. He kept playing with the feather during the rest of the class.

‘But Sam, Lucifer is the name of the Devil. He’s not an angel, he’s a demon.’

‘He’s an angel, he has wings and all. Look, it’s his feather.’

‘It’s black.’ Jess observed.

‘It doesn’t mean anything. He’s not a bad person. He’s my friend.’

‘The Devil lies, you know. God didn’t want the humans to eat the apple.’

‘Luci says he did.’

‘He’s lying, that’s what he does. He tricks you into trusting him, then bad things happen. I don’t want bad things to happen to you Sam.’

He was still pouting when Dean came to get him.

‘Heya Sammy ! What’s wrong ?’

‘It’s nothing. I just want to go to the church.’

Dean didn’t insist and tried to talk to him about something else. He managed to make him relax and Sam told him about the fight.

‘No way, Sammy ! You won I hope ?’

‘Kinda.’

‘Good job !’

Castiel greeted them. Sam let Dean with him and went straight to the garden. He climbed into the tree and sat on the second branch.

‘Luci ? Are you here ? I need to see you, please.’

The flutter of wings startled him. Lucifer was sitting close to him. He generally didn’t appear so quickly. He was staring at him, frowning slightly. He touched his forehead with two fingers, closing his eyes. Sam briefly had the sensation of falling.

‘It’s quicker that I thought. You shouldn’t be able to see that yet.’

‘It’s your dream, isn’t it ?’

‘It’s a memory.’

‘Someone hurt you, who ?’

‘My brother.’

‘Which one?’

‘Michael.’

‘I thought you liked each other.’

‘He obeyed my father.’ Lucifer answered, shoulders sagged.

‘Jess said you were the Devil. It’s not true, right?’

‘I thought you already knew I was.’

Sam didn’t. He knew the stories about the Devil : he was evil, he defied God, he hated humanity. And he knew that it was the devil who was responsible for the apple story, but he couldn’t connect Lucifer to the Devil.

‘I thought the Devil’s name was Satan. Not Lucifer.’

‘I have a lot of names.’

‘But you’re not evil, I know that !’

‘Maybe I am.’

‘No you’re not !’ Sam said with conviction. ‘Not to me.’

‘You’re different.’

‘You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?’

‘I will never lie to you, Sam. I will never trick you. You were made for me and I will give you everything.’

Sam took the drawings from his backpack and shoved them into Lucifer’s hands.

‘What’s that?’

‘It’s you. This one is you, as a snake, with Eve. And that one, you with your brothers and the dinosaurs.’ He paused. ‘That’s an asteroid in flames.’ He added, pointing at the brown shape.

Lucifer laughed.

‘I should tell you another story then, if you like them so much.’

Sam forgot he was ever sad while listening to Lucifer. The angel disappeared suddenly and Sam looked down to see his mother and Zachariah. The drawings had fallen onto the ground and the priest was looking at them with a suspicious look.

‘Did you draw a black Eve?’

‘Of course, that’s how she was. Jesus too, but his skin was lighter.’ He climbed down, obeying his mother’s eyes who seemed to tell him to get down before the priest got angry. He didn’t like it when Sam climbed the tree. Something about damaging the branches.

Zachariah was always angry anyway. At the moment, he looked angrier than usual, like he did when he was about to scold them.

‘I don’t know who told you that, but that’s not true.’

‘Luci told me and he doesn’t lie to me.’

‘What did you draw ? Why are angels with dinosaurs?’

‘That’s Luci, he threw an asteroid on the dinosaurs with Gabriel, but they didn’t mean it. And that’s Michael, who’s angry.’

The priest alternated between squinting at the drawing and glaring at Sam.

‘Are you…Did you… Is that Lucifer ? And the archangels?’

Sam nodded.

‘I just call him Luci, he says I can.’

Zachariah turned a bit red in the face and crossed himself. He turned to Sam’s mother.

‘Your son’s imaginary friend is the Devil. I told you there was something wrong with him.’

‘He’s not imaginary !’

‘There’s nothing wrong with Sam !’ Now his mother was angry too.

‘Ahem…’ Castiel was standing next to them, a rubber duck in his hand.

‘And your other son is a little devil himself !’

He stormed inside the church, crossing himself once more. Castiel looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

‘What was that about?’

‘No one likes my friend !’ Sam complained. ‘Lucifer is not evil and the Bible is lying.’

Castiel still looked confused. He looked at the drawings Mary had in her hands. She closed her eyes briefly, sighing, before taking the rubber duck from his hands.

‘Where did Dean put it this time?’

Castiel had a comforting smile. He put a knee on the ground to talk to Sam.

‘Sam, why do you want to be friend with the Devil?’

‘He’s nice. And he doesn’t have any other friend. His brothers don’t talk to him anymore. It’s not fair.’

‘I think it’s amazing to have compassion for the greatest sinner. You are a kind boy. But you must never forget what he did, not to fall into the path of evil.’

‘He’s my friend. He won’t hurt me.’

‘And you don’t want to hurt others, right ?’

Sam shook his head.

‘I pray to him so he keeps all of you safe.’

Castiel tilted his head, not knowing what to think about praying to the Devil. He took Mary apart before they left.

‘I’m sorry for Zachariah. He shouldn’t have said that. I will talk to him.’

‘I don’t think something is wrong with Sam, but should I be worried ? I mean, he’s praying to Satan.’

‘I don’t think he really understands what Lucifer represents. He saw a lonely figure and he’s a very empathic child. He’ll understand later.’

‘I hope you’re right. Now there’s a fight we have to talk about with his father.’

‘Sam fought?’

‘Something about defending the MacLeod child I was told. They’re friends, and he hates bullies. But I don’t want him to get into trouble.’

‘You have two strong-spirited children. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’m sure it’s gonna be worth it.’

That night, Sam began to make some research about the Devil. He needed to know what everyone was so worked up about. If he was evil, what did he do that was so bad? 

\----------------------------------------------------

Here are Sam's drawings ! I took Good Omens' Eve as a model:) 

[](https://zupimages.net/viewer.php?id=20/29/y4xv.png)

[](https://zupimages.net/viewer.php?id=20/29/f1t8.png)


	5. chapter 4

John and Mary were now both worried. Sam was still talking about the angel and was more convinced than ever. But he was now in junior high school and he should have passed the age of talking to imaginary friends. This wasn’t even the worse. Zachariah never missed the chance to talk about exorcists when he saw the Winchesters and sometimes, John and Mary wondered -just a bit, if there wasn’t a piece of good sense in what he said. Not like they believed Sam was indeed possessed, because they didn’t believe in such things, but Sam really had an abnormally interest for Satan. He had began doing research about the biblical stories, then moved on to other cultures’ take on the Devil. The only thing that appeased their mind is that Sam claimed that he was doing all of this to prove that Lucifer wasn’t evil. So, not totally a Satanist, evil worshiper. Still, they would have been more at peace if Sam had more common interests, like video games and girlfriends. Or maybe not, because Dean was into both and they were also worried.

Sam spent more time in the church. He had been allowed to go on his own now he was a bit older. Lucifer was talking more to him, telling him stories, confirming or denying the ones Sam gathered in his research, spilling secrets he got from people who came to the church. ‘Zachariah has a small cactus in a pot and he talks to him everyday.’ ‘No way !’ ‘Would I lie to you?’ He still liked biting in apples to toss them in the grass, especially when they were sitting in the tree. He let Sam preen his wings on days he felt in a sharing mood. Sam never dared to ask, so he waited impatiently for those days. He still had the feather Lucifer had gave to him years ago. It was unbelievably sturdy, he assumed there was some angel mojo working here. There were still some things he didn’t totally understood, and he was hesitant to ask, for when he did, Lucifer always seemed to close off.

‘Why can’t you leave the church?’

‘You know why. The locals love the story.’

‘So the exorcists, they really did it ?’

‘They died for that. Willingly.’

‘But you’re not gonna stay here forever, right?’

The angel didn’t answer the question.

‘Do you know I can see humans’ souls ? When I look at you, I see both your body and your soul.’

‘What does it look like?’

‘Light I guess. Yours is particularly bright.’

‘You can see everything that happens in the church?’

‘If I want to. It’s not that interesting really.’

He had a ladybug on his hand.

‘Did you see my birth?’ Sam asked quietly.

Lucifer smiled, and it was warm and scary at the same time. 

‘Of course I did.’

‘Castiel was really happy to see that happen in his grand-grand-father’ church.’

‘James Novak.’

‘Oh. Sorry. He was the one who trapped you.’

‘Too bad he’s already dead.’

‘Is he in heaven?’

‘I guess.’

‘When I die, will I go to hell?’

‘What makes you think that?’

‘You can’t go to heaven. And I don’t want to go there if I can’t see you anymore.’

‘It’s not a place you want to go to.’

‘But you’ll be there?’

‘Maybe.’

‘I’ll go if you go.’

Lucifer put his hand on Sam’s chest, closing his eyes. Sam felt a chill up his spine.

‘I suppose you will. I can’t stop you.’

Images of blinding lights went through Sam’s mind. Stars. He was seeing the making of stars. They were exploding, colliding, spattering against the sky. Sam’s skin felt electrified. He was shaking. He was contemplating divinity and it was making his whole soul vibrate. His throat tightened with emotion. Lucifer broke the connection.

‘You’re not ready, I’ll hurt you.’

‘Don’t stop…’

He extended a hand to catch Lucifer’s wrist but he felt suddenly dizzy. He would have fallen from the tree if the angel hadn’t stopped him. He took him in his arms and Sam only heard the familiar flutter of wings before feeling the ground beneath him. He was gently placed against the trunk. His head was spinning and he felt a bit nauseous.

‘I shouldn’t have done that. It’s too soon.’

‘Do it again. Please.’

He kept a hand on Sam’s forehead.

‘Sam ! Sam ! Are you okay ? What happened?’

He looked up to see Dean’s worried face.

‘S’okay…Luci’s here…’

‘There’s no one Sam, what happened? Are you having a heat stroke?’

He put a hand to Sam’s forehead. Lucifer had disappeared.

‘You’re cold ! Come on, we’re going home. Mom will know what to do.’

He threw Sam’s arm around his shoulders to make him stand. There was no one home.

‘C’mon Sam, get in bed.’

Dean was fussing over him. Patting the blankets over his little brother, he sat down on a chair he had brought next to his bed.

‘How can you be cold at this time of the year ? Do you want some hot chocolate ?’

Sam laughed.

‘Dean, I’m okay.’

‘No, you’re freezing Sammy !’

The sound of the door opening made Dean boult out of the room. Sam turned in his bed. He felt less dizzy, but he felt the cold that has spread through his body. A part of him was a bit scared of it, but the rest of him remembered the amazing sensation he had felt when Lucifer had let him inside his mind. He had been overwhelmed but it had been like finally getting something he had always been missing. He half-crawled out of his bed to get his backpack and get the feather out. He put it under his pillow, holding it loosely in one hand.

‘Sam? You sick?’

His father opened the door, poking his head into the room.

‘I’ll just sleep a bit, it’ll pass.’

John didn’t seem convinced, he knew Sam too much and his son tended to hide his problems.

‘I can call a doctor if you need.’

‘No need. I’m okay, really.’

John groaned and Sam could hear an echo. Obviously, Dean was also behind the door and also unconvinced. They let him alone, checking on him from times to times. Sam ended up falling asleep, dreaming of stars and wings.

\--

Castiel wiped his brow and sneezed. The room was covered in dust. There were a lot of candlesticks, and papers damaged by time. He had never really paid attention to this side of the church, rarely going in there. The fire and the collapse of the church had damaged a lot of documents and books, but the rest had been put here. The Winchester’s younger son had asked him about Jimmy Novak. He didn’t know much about the man. He had been a priest all his life, was well-loved by the locals, had done a lot of research on demonic lore and had put together a ritual to trap the devil in that same church. Castiel was one of those who believed the ritual had worked. He was pretty proud of his ancestor. He had wanted to be an exorcist, but a hundred years had made people believe less and less in those things, and no one taught that anymore. He didn’t believe in demons with horns though. He thought evil took more mundane forms. It was in the human sins, in the hate people could have for each other.

He should have taken a rag or something to remove the dust. Or at least worn a mask. He looked through some register that listed donations that have been made to the church. They were much more consistent than now. There was a small book that caught his eye. It was blackened, a bit burned, and had pentagram on it. He opened it. It was hand-written, hard to read, but Castiel was almost sure it talked about demons. He browsed through the pages. There were drawings of different pentagrams, with weird symbols in circles. A date has been underlined three times. 2nd May 1883. The word ‘angel’ appeared here and there. Finally, he found the name J.Novak in a small corner of the back cover. He took the book home. He didn’t see Lucifer who was leaning against the wall.

Zachariah was fuming. He had always been wary of the Winchester family. They didn’t believe, they never came to mass or confession, and they let their two brats running around the church. Their youngest was obviously a Satanist, claiming to talk to the Devil in a sacred place. Zachariah also came from a religious family, like Castiel. He was one of those, though, who believed the ritual that occurred a hundred ago had failed. Trapping the Devil was a most appreciable idea but he didn’t think it was possible. Being a priest wasn’t an easy job, and people were less and less inclined to trust them. They prefer watching TV and let their mind being corrupted by wicked ideas. But he took pride in his job. He liked the quiet and the chill of the church, the smell of incense during processions, the sensation of the thin pages of his favorite Bible. There were very few people who came to his biblical classes, mostly elders who have known him as a child. At least they were respectful, unlike some insolent brat who reinvented the Story, twisting the holy Word. Archangels pranking each other, a black Jesus, a manipulative God, a caring Caïn… The boy had quite the imagination. Castiel had a weakness for the Winchester family and always took their side. He was sometimes bordering on blasphemy.

The candle was blown out by a gust of wind and he felt like the temperature had dropped. He clicked his tongue. It happened a lot these days. He sighed and stood up. It was time to go home anyway. He took a last stroll in the garden, where the trees were gently moved by the wind. There were half-eaten apples in the grass. Typical. He didn’t even see either of the boys the last days, when did they found the time to sneak in to trash the place? He shook his head, trying to calm down. A prickling sensation at the base of his skull made him froze. He felt like someone was watching him. He looked around, half-expecting to see a Dean Winchester ready to throw apples or rubber ducks at him, but there didn’t seem to be anyone.

‘God helps us…’

He left, but he swore he heard someone snicker behind his back.

\--

Sam was playing with his straw. Garth had suggested they went to the bowling after school. The four of them had managed to stay in the same class. Jess was good at bowling. Garth too, which was surprising, considering how clumsy he could be. Crowley was drinking a colored drink with a tiny umbrella in it.

‘Mom won’t be home for two days. She says it’s okay now, I’m not a little boy anymore, I can survive on my own.’

Sam knew he was terrified of being alone, but would never admit it. So they offered to stay with him as much as they could. He had always been scared of his mother abandoning him, and she didn’t know what to say to reassure him.

‘She’s on a job?’

‘It’s a bit far this time.’

They had finally understood why people didn’t like Mrs MacLeod. She hadn’t wanted to tell him her real job when he was younger, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to shelter him long. Better teach him some things on the way. Crowley had taken the news that his mother was a professional dominatrix really well. ‘People pay her to kneel at her feet ! How much cooler can she be ?’ He had exclaimed. He hadn’t told them about the awkward conversation that had followed about safe sex. His mother was blunt and her vocabulary was pretty illustrative. Dean still called her witch and had declared that was already scary enough without having to imagine her in a latex outfit. To what Sam had argued that he was the only one imagining things. Dean had blushed and told him to shut his mouth.

‘Sam, you wanna play?’

‘Nah, I’m good.’

‘Are you okay ?’ Garth asked. ‘Your brother was really worried the other day.’

‘He’s always worried. I’m not sick anymore.’

He had asked Lucifer to let him see what he had shown to him again, but the angel had categorically refused. He promised to do it later though. But by later, he meant years. Sam had been disappointed, because he felt like it was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

‘I heard Zachariah talking to my parents, when they had the Jesus gathering thing. He still thinks you’re a Satanist. Did you say something that upset him again?’ Jess asked, stealing Sam’s milkshake.

‘He doesn’t need a lot to be upset.’

‘Maybe he’s afraid you’re really talking to the devil and that you’re gonna curse him or something.’ Garth had been really interested in the Devil thing at first, but lately he had been hooked on anything that has to do with werewolves.

‘Maybe I should.’

Sam laughed, imagining himself drawing pentagrams and letting them on the altar. But Castiel could see them too and he didn’t want to scare him. He didn’t talk about Lucifer to his friends anymore. He talked about the Bible with Jess, and they knew he was interested in the Devil persona, but he didn’t want to tell them he was still talking to him. Even his parents suggested to send him to a psychiatrist. Sometimes, he was afraid he had effectively imagined Lucifer and was talking alone. What if it was just an hallucination? But Luci’s presence was comforting and he didn’t really care. He couldn’t have imagined the apples or Zachariah’s things that got misplaced – he wasn’t proud of that, but it was Lucifer who had given the idea and it made him laugh. Or was he delusional and did these things himself ?

Or it was like in the movie they had watched and he was going to end up possessed by the Devil. It made him wonder when he thought he wouldn’t mind it that much. But Lucifer wasn’t really evil, so it was okay, he guessed. He still had a hard time to see Lucifer as a demon. His sole presence felt good and right to Sam. The angel had told him he saw too much in him. That he was indeed evil and didn’t care about humanity. But he was so kind to Sam that the boy could not believe him. He thought about Lucifer being trapped sometimes. He always eluded the subject. Sam felt bad for him. He would have liked to be able to do something. He couldn’t imagine being locked in a place for a hundred years, without talking to anyone. He wondered if there wasn’t some kind of ritual that could reverse the first one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked the Lucifer in season 5. He was exactly the kind of character I like. I don't know why they changed him like that after. I still enjoy him but I'm a bit nostalgic.


	6. chapter 5

[](https://ibb.co/NZ5PbFM)

Dean had begun working to Bobby’s. He had always liked cars, and Bobby had always taken the time to show him how they work and how to repair them. Becoming a mechanic had already been on his mind since years, and the whole family was happy to see him get his dream job. They had thought he would leave the town with Lisa Braeden, when they dated in high school, but she left alone. Dean liked reminding everyone they parted in good terms (‘I did not got dumped Sammy !’) because they both wanted different things.

Sam had entered high school with college in mind. He would like to be a lawyer someday. He hadn’t decided which college he was going to choose, but his teachers had told him than Stanford could be a good choice for him. He was doing well in class. He liked studying and had a good memory. The four friends were still in the same class. Crowley was still salty about not being able to become King one day, but he had hopes to open his own business one day. He had the time to know what it would be about. Jess was also interested in law and was considering going with Sam. Their parents had warmed up to him, since he had stopped talking about his Devil friend. He had dinner with them once and they had gushed about his manners. They had also said they would be happy to have him in the family, making both Jess and him redden in embarrassment. It wasn’t like that between them. Not that Jessica wasn’t a wonderful girl. She was. And maybe sometimes he had thought about her like that. Maybe. Garth had surprised everyone when he had announced he wanted to become a doctor. But it made sense, since he genuinely liked to take care of people.

He still went to the church after school. Sometimes, Lucifer would already be waiting for him. He climbed in the tree and they talked. On some days, he wondered if he was bothering the angel with his teenager stories.

‘Sorry, I’m not sure you’re interested in my chemistry class or in Garth’s sport progress.’

‘You can tell me anything you want. I may not understand it though. I don’t get humans.’

‘I know, we’re flawed, weak and ignorant.’

‘That too. But believe me, I just can’t relate to Crowley’s hesitation in asking Naomi out or Kevin’s worries about his grades.’

‘You didn’t go to school, that’s fair. But I like to imagine how you would have been.’

‘I would have liked chemistry. That’s the closest to star making.’

‘Well, I’m picturing you in a suit for the prom !’

‘It really is a big thing I understand.’

‘It is. They make tons of movies about it. It’s gonna be fun. I’m…I’m thinking of asking Jess. Do you think she’ll say yes?’

Lucifer shrugged.

‘You’re not helping ! You never fell in love?’

‘It’s a very human concept. We’re not made for that.’

‘Oh. What about friends ? You never mentioned anyone else than your brothers.’

‘All angels are brothers.’

‘Yeah I get – that’s what humans are supposed to be too, according to the church by the way, but you only told me about Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. You never spent time with anyone else?’

‘Not really I guess. I was busy.’

‘You can’t have been making stars during all that time.’

‘I sang.’

‘You what?’

‘I sang.’

There was something a bit stiff in his posture when he said that. Sam knew him enough to know that was a topic he didn’t like talking about. But Sam was curious.

‘Can you sing now?’

‘It doesn’t translate to human perception. My true voice would deafen you.’

‘But can’t you sing in human way?’

Lucifer made an offended face. He often complained about human limitation, and what he called a debasement of angelic features. He liked to say that humans and divinity didn’t mix. But he still let Sam touch his wings. He decided to let it go for now.

‘I won’t be able to see you often when I go to college.’ He said softly.

He didn’t like to think about it. Lucifer’s presence had become a fixed point in his life. He hated thinking that the angel would be trapped in the church while he was building a life somewhere else.

‘And I’ll have a job in the city after.’

Lucifer was silent. He plucked some leaves from the tree, letting them fall right after.

‘I’ll have to leave you.’

‘Or you could free me.’

Sam blinked. The angel had never talked about leaving. Sam had asked and asked if there was a way to undo the spell, but Lucifer had always deflected the question.

‘How?’ He breathed out.

‘You can. You’re the only one who can.’

‘Me ? Why?’

‘Why do you think you’re the only one to see me?’

‘You said we were bonded. But what does it mean?’

‘I can’t _make_ you understand. You will understand by yourself when you’re ready. But for your information, I don’t know much more than you.’

‘Is there a ritual or something?’

‘I suppose. But it’s not time yet.’

‘How will you know when it’s time?’

‘You will.’

Sometimes Sam got a little frustrated at the angel’s succinct answers. But there was no budging him.

‘You could do what you did that day, you know, with your grace and my soul.’

He tried to keep his voice light, hoping to hide his heart beating faster with anticipation. Lucifer had explained that his soul had a certain resonance with the angel’s grace and that it had allowed him to share a bit of his mind. That wasn’t something to take lightly, and any other human would have been left insane at such a contact with the divine. It had only lasted a mere moment and Sam had been sick for hours.

‘Two seconds. And you will be sick after.’

Sam couldn’t believe his luck.

‘Will I be able to bear it someday?’

‘Maybe.’

But his faint smile implied that he knew more than he let believe.

‘Sammy ?’

He startled violently, nearly losing his balance. He held himself to the trunk and looked down. It couldn’t have been worse. Why the hell was Dean with Zachariah ?

‘Dean ? I thought you were gone.’

‘And I thought you didn’t talk to Satan anymore !’

‘I…’

He felt a brush of feathers against his cheek before hearing the flutter signalizing Lucifer’s departure. He climbed off the tree, face flushed. Zachariah was looking at him with disgust. But he was more concerned about Dean, who had a look that was both worried and accusatory.

‘I knew there was something wrong with you, boy.’ The priest spat.

‘You leave my brother alone !’

Sam didn’t wait to listen to them arguing. He ran. He nearly knocked Castiel over on the way, who sent him an alarmed look. He addressed him a small smile which he hoped was reassuring but he didn’t dwell on it. Dean didn’t take long to catch up.

‘Sammy ! Sammy !’

‘Don’t tell Mom and Dad.’

‘I’m pretty sure Zachariah will be very pleased to tell them himself, but Sam, I think we should talk about it.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘But Sam…’

‘Leave it Dean !’

He could feel the disapprobation without looking at Dean. He had managed to pretend he didn’t talk to Lucifer anymore since he was in junior high school, when he saw that it got his family more and more worried. He couldn’t help but listening to that little voice in his head that told him that everyone was right and that Lucifer wasn’t real. That was a thought that terrified him.

Zachariah had indeed told his parents. And Dean had confirmed. Mary had come to his room, knocking softly and had tried to make him talk. John had taken him fishing and told him that he was there for him. It was extremely embarrassing. He was glad his friends didn’t know. He could relax a bit and think of something else with them. But he missed Lucifer. He knew that he couldn’t go back to the church without avoiding Castiel or Zachariah. The priest had once again suggested an exorcist and Sam had been tempted to threaten him. Lucifer didn’t like him much after all. But he didn’t know if the priest really believed the Devil was inside the church. He was perfectly able to call an exorcist though. Like the one that was standing before him. He had been played and he cursed Castiel. The man had asked him to come to the church to talk, but he hadn’t mentioned that there would be a third party. Sam couldn’t believe that the priest had worked with Zachariah on this. It was a small kindness that the man wasn’t here too. The exorcist was an older man, bald with a beard. He wore a cross around his neck, unlike the two other priests. His smile was kind and surely put many people at ease. Sam felt cornered.

‘Hello Sam. I’m Father Walker. I was told that you struggled with thoughts about the Devil, would you like to talk to me about that?’

‘Not particularly.’

He was on the defensive. He wondered if Lucifer had seen the man. Maybe he had enough power to drive him away.

‘I understand. Would you indulge an old man and show me the garden? You don’t have to tell me anything.’

He nearly refused. But a part of him hoped that Lucifer would be there. It has been some times since he hadn’t seen him. He led the priest on the outside. There wasn’t any apple on the floor this time. Father Walker sat on a bench, admiring the trees. Sam was fidgeting. The angel wasn’t anywhere in sight. He concentrated his thoughts to call him, but nothing happened.

‘I already had heard about that church. It’s quite famous amongst priests like me. I assume you heard it at a young age.’

Sam had to bite his tongue not to answer him. He wasn’t sure telling him that he saw Lucifer before having head the story would be better. He had already been told that he was too young to remember, that he certainly had heard without noticing and that his subconscious had done the rest.

‘I liked the stories about the Devil too when I was your age. It is a fascinating character. Very attractive. How would he make people listen to him otherwise ? His powers are a promise that can lure many young and old people alike.’

‘I’m not after fame or wealth if that’s what you’re thinking.’

‘Then you’re making me curious. Father Zachariah asserts that you spent a lot of time here. What could you be talking about to the Devil ?’

‘Don’t worry, he’s not telling me to burn the church or what.’

‘I’m simply trying to understand what you find in him. It’s not necessarily about evil. Though one could wonder why give a friend such a persona.’

That caught Sam’s attention.

‘You don’t think I’m possessed.’

‘We talk about demons, but they’re not bones and flesh. They’re in our thoughts and wants.’

‘You’re saying he’s not real.’

‘Well Sam, if the Devil is truly here, you should be afraid.’

He looked at the apple tree. He hadn’t meant to listen to the priest, but he was already getting in his head. Scratching at the thought he desperately tried to keep at distance. 

‘I think you should talk to someone. They could help you understand. I suppose you’re wary of priests now, but it could be anyone.’

‘You’re oddly down-to-earth for an exorcist.’ Sam said, laughing nervously.

‘It’s more of a title actually. I just studied these subjects more than average. It’s a lot of lore.’

‘So, no one throws holy water to people’s face anymore?’

The priest chuckled.

‘Movies. But we encourage to drink it to help drown dark thoughts. The church doesn’t pretend to hold the truth anymore. We’re here to help those who accept it, but we can acknowledge when anther party would be more useful.’

‘So you’re basically telling me to see a shrink.’

‘If that’s what you want.’

Sam felt on the verge of crying. Lucifer seemed perfectly real. But no one could see him. And he never thought too much about him, but there he was supposedly chatting with a world-old entity, an angel, with wings, and who happened to be the figure of evil. No wonder no one believed him. But their encounter had become so precious to him that he couldn’t imagine them stopping. He was afraid to see Lucifer disappear if he ever stopped believing it was real. And how could an hallucination be so alive? He could hear him, touch him, see objects be affected by him. How could he have imagined something so sophisticated at such a young age ?

‘I will be here for some time, if you ever feel the need to talk.’

Sam stormed out of the church.

Castiel felt bad for Sam. The young man seemed really distraught by his conversation with Father Walker.

‘His parents are worried about him. They had thought that maybe he felt alone when he was younger, but they don’t know anymore what it could be.’

‘I think he needs time, but he will see reason. You were telling me that you found your ancestor’s journal?’

‘Yes, there’s a lot of notes about the ritual they did. Would you like to see it?’

‘I would be honoured.’

Castiel left the room. Father Walker looked around the church, smiling. It was peaceful. He clutched the cross around his neck, his knuckles grazing his plexus, where he had tattooed ancient runes made to push away forces from hell. He had waited to see if the boy saw the devil while discussing with him, but it seemed that all his research hadn’t been for nothing. His spells could keep the Father of lies away. He had to make sure the boy would believe he had imagined the whole thing. From his previous state, he already had managed to add to his doubts. A boy who could see the Devil and talk to him should absolutely be put out of the way. They weren’t enough exorcists left to trap him a second time. Castiel re-entered the room, a red-covered notebook in his hand. He could feel that the priest didn’t believe the boy. The other priest didn’t either. It was a good point for him because it would be easier to convince Sam.

‘Here is it. Maybe you’ll understand some things better than me. There are a lot of sigils and pentagrams. I never studied those.’

‘Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. I would give it back to you soon.’

He exited the church, throwing a last glance once he was outside. He shuddered. The Devil was inside. He crossed himself.


	7. chapter 6

He hadn’t gone to the church in three weeks. He had tried once, with Dean, but the exorcist had been next to Zachariah and he had let Dean with Castiel. He hadn’t spoken to Father Walker again. Dean had tried to make him talk about Lucifer but Sam didn’t let anything out. To be honest, he was scared to go to the church. Scared of Lucifer not showing up. Of Lucifer not being real. His parents had given him a list of a few psychotherapists. There was the one in town, and three from the big city not far from them. He had told them he would consider it, only to make them less worried. He was considering it. But he hadn’t taken a decision yet. He was trying to gather the courage to go to the church, but between the exorcist being there and his family worrying, he hadn’t found the right time. He missed Lucifer a lot.

“Sam?”

“Sorry, you were saying?”

His friends had noticed that he was distracted.

“Wanna go see a movie after school?” Jess asked.

“Yeah, yeah, ok.”

He saw her concerned look and tried to smile in a convincing way.

“You just want to see Misha Collins on screen !” Garth teased her.

“Oh come on, he’s gorgeous ! Don’t you think he looks like that priest from the church you go to, Sam ?”

“Huh, I don’t see who’s that Misha Collins.”

“He played an angel in a previous movie, you should see it, that’s your thing.” Crowley said. “And yeah, he’s hella gorgeous, and so is that priest.”

“You’re both going to hell !” Garth laughed. “You’re not really supposed to look at priests that way!”

“We’re merely admiring God’s work here.” Crowley said with his most innocent face. “And that damn white collar brings out his eyes.”

Sam wasn’t receptive to Castiel’s charms, but he knew a lot of parishioners gushed about his good looks. The sermon he gave wasn’t the only thing that attracted people to mass, that was certain. Sam already had someone to think of when it came to angels. And it was a real one. Or not. That thought alone made his mood drop. He had spent hours thinking of each of their encounters, as much as he could remember them. He tried to find details, clues, that could have affirmed the reality of the whole thing. But the more he thought about it, the more he worried about his sanity. He felt like he was torturing himself. Jess put her hand on his arm, giving him a small shake.

“Sorrry, I… I was thinking… Did you see the exorcist who came in town?”

“No, but my parent talked about him. He’s something, they say. Very respected.”

“Exorcisms aren’t real, are they?” Garth frowned.

“They call exorcists the priests who studied demonic lore. But, I’m not sure they really perform exorcisms. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with movies.”

“I have a neighbour, Claire, she went to the church with some friends to play the Devil game or something like that two days ago.”

“I know some people who went too when we were in junior high school. It’s popular. No one is there at night.”

“But you have to break in, no?’

“Yeah, some get caught that way. The priests don’t live far.”

Sam had never played those games. None of his friends were looking for a midnight frill, and he was already talking the Devil. He always thought that it was more of an excuse to break into the church, do something forbidden. But there was a point in all that : there was indeed no one in the church at night.

Sam had been on edge all day. He tried to concentrate but he had a hard time doing it. The waiting was killing him. He waited until everyone was asleep, checking while pretending to go to the bathroom. When the house was finally totally silent, he quietly let himself outside, taking care of not letting the keys jingle. He walked quickly, nervous. He didn’t meet anyone on the road. The church’s garden was easy to get into, you just had to go through the cemetery if you weren’t coming from the inside of the church. Sam pushed the steel grid, wincing when it creaked. It was different seeing the garden at night. It seemed even more quiet than the usual. He went to the tree, putting his hand on the trunk.

“Lucifer?”

There was no wind. The nights were getting a bit chilly, and Sam crossed his arms.

“Lucifer? Please, show yourself.”

He tried to put all his focus into it.

“Come on, stop hiding.”

It happened sometimes. Lucifer didn’t appear at once, but ended showing up when Sam called with more intent. When he was younger, he would really disappear for weeks, but now he came every time Sam asked.

“Don’t do that. Please.”

He already had been dreading this. What if the angel didn’t show up anymore ? What if he really wasn’t real ?

“Lucifer ! Stop ! Don’t…. please !”

He waited. He checked his watch, but another ten minutes passed and there was still no answer. He felt tears gathering in his eyes.

“Tell me you’re real ! You can’t… I didn’t imagine you ! Please…Don’t do that to me!”

He let himself slide against the trunk until he was in the grass.

“No…It can’t be… “

An oppressive weight settled in his chest. He felt alone, for the first time in years. It terrified him. He sank his head between his knees, feeling like crying.

“Please…”

He waited stubbornly two more hours. His legs were numb and he was sniffling because of the cold. He went back home in a daze, slipping in his bed without being caught by anyone.

He tried again another night. And another. And another. He gave up after a month. He chose a therapist in the city.

Lucifer was furious. He wanted nothing more than to kill that exorcist. But Father Walker wasn’t an amateur and he had studied the lore right. He had put sigils here and there, stopping him from taking a corporal form. It hadn’t mattered much at first, because Sam didn’t come for a while. But seeing the boy calling for him in that desperate tone had thrown him into a blind rage. Without a physical form, he was powerless. Completely bound to the church. All he could do was listen and watch everything that happened in the church. Mrs Kirk confessing she had sinful thoughts about a man who wasn’t her husband – boring, Zachariah complaining about Dean Winchester -annoying, the exorcist prancing around – infuriating, Sam… He missed the boy.

He remembered when Sam was born. He had been trapped for a hundred years, waiting for help. None of the demons had be able to free him. And then he had felt a strong presence. He saw a pregnant woman with her family, talking with Castiel. The baby wasn’t fully formed yet, but his soul was already strong. His grace was attracted to it and he knew that they were bounded. He didn’t know exactly why or how. The boy would be his vessel. Angels could have a connection with some humans. They were rare and precious. Those humans were able to stand divinity, because their souls were stronger than average. They were the link between the host and humanity. A human could only receive one angel’s presence. Lucifer never had one. He had never looked for such a link, avoiding humans. But seeing it made him doubt. It had been weird to feel so close to a human being. When Sam was born, Lucifer’s prison had fractured and he was able to take form, appearing to the human that would free him. He hadn’t expected Sam to be likeable. But the first time he saw the tiny human, he had felt a real bond forming. The boy had taken to him quickly, always eager to talk to him. The angel didn’t always understand him, but he found that he was also looking forwards to seeing him. The first time he let him touch his wings had been a shock. He would never had imagined letting a human do that. But he surprised himself by allowing Sam. It was actually a good feeling, so he had let him do it from times to times. He had tested the bond too soon, and ended up hurting Sam. He had waited to do it again, impatient to have the boy being able to stand the touch of his grace on his soul. They had been interrupted and now Sam was off-limits.

He knew Sam had doubt about his being real or not. He was the only human able to see him for now. Lucifer liked it that way, he wasn’t looking for interaction with others. But Sam was scared of having imagined the whole thing. Lately, it had been worse, with the exorcist’s influence. Lucifer had seen how he had led Sam to doubt further, while keeping him at distance. It was working. Sam had stopped coming. Worse, he had stop praying to him.

Father Walker kept going through the pages of Jimmy Novak’s journal. He had always admired the man. The journal had confirmed what he had suspected. He had read about vessels. About people who claimed to see angels. There hadn’t been one of those for hundreds of years – real cases at least. Jimmy Novak had written a lot about vessels, for he had been one. An angel named Castiel -so that was where the priest’s name came from ! – had appeared to him when he was in his teens and had taught him what made him able to put up the trapping ritual. The angel had revealed the location of ancient artefacts called Hands of God and some protection sigils against demons. He had left before the ritual actually took place but Father Walker supposed he was satisfied, knowing that Jimmy was going to finish his mission. The man had surely had a warm welcome in Heaven, bless him.

Sam Winchester was without a doubt Lucifer’s vessel. He had to be kept away at all cost. If he freed the Devil… He knew the boy was going to leave the town for college. He just had to make sure he wouldn’t come to the church until then. His parents had gratefully taken the advices the exorcist had given. And the sigils banishing Lucifer should assure that Sam believed the Devil had never been real. The Adversary would rot in the church for eternity, if not in Hell.

“Thank you very much Father Castiel.” He said, giving the journal back to him.

“Was it interesting?”

“Very much so. Did you know that your name comes from an angel that Jimmy saw?”

“Huh…I had no idea. I always thought it was a weird name. I knew he claimed to talk to angels though. My mother liked to tell me that.”

“He was a true believer.”

Castiel smiled. He hadn’t read the whole journal, for he didn’t understand half of it. It was good to hear someone else talk about his ancestor.

“I thought of him when Sam began saying he talked to an angel. He was so young. “

“Turned out different though.”

“Very. I hope Sam is gonna be fine. He seemed really down when I saw him last.”

“He will be alright. He needs time.” Father Walker considered Castiel. “What would you do, if the Devil was really in that church?”

“You don’t believe he is? I like to think my ancestor succeeded. There is no proof, of course, but…”

“Well, I would make sure he stayed trapped here. At all cost. What do you think?”

“The same. Without a doubt. I always wondered… Did he know he was going to die?”

“He doesn’t mention it in his journal. But I suppose if he did, he wouldn’t have faltered even then.”

“No, he wouldn’t have.” He paused, looking around. “They trapped him here, but maybe they sent him to hell, isn’t that possible?”

“Maybe.”

Castiel wondered if Father Walker believed the Devil was here. As an exorcist, he couldn’t be a skeptic, could he? Castiel himself wondered sometimes if he believed it. He didn’t believe demons roamed the earth, but the Devil? Maybe. He liked to think angels were real.

“You’re the guardian of that church, that is certain. I’m sure you’ll follow your ancestor’s steps. Keep evil at bay and appease the minds.”

The exorcist crossed himself, followed by Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of things to do, so I'm only posting now !  
> I keep doing plans for one chapter and it ends up being split in two. I think there's one more chapter before Sammy goes to college !  
> There will be slight and short Jess/Sam, as I hinted about it, but it's not gonna last.  
> I'm totally into Destiel, but I don't see it in this fic. I could have let Dean with Lisa, but well... I don't particularly like her. Nothing against her, but she doesn't inspire me much.


	8. chapter 7

“And how would you describe your relationship with your brother ?” 

Sam wasn’t sure what he was supposed to answer. Mrs Vallens was a kind woman, with dark skin and short hair. She spoke in a soft way and did everything to put her patients at ease. He coughed.

“Well…we get along. I mean… We’re good, really. He always took care of me and I suppose that I always looked up to him. It never changed.”

“So you don’t think there anything lacking in your relationship? You said that maybe you were lonely.”

“That’s what people say to me.” He rectified. “I don’t know. I have good friends, my parents are great and I love my brother. I’m not sure what the problem is.” 

She considered him a bit. It made him a bit nervous, like she was judging every answer, analysing them. She was, of course, but he felt like he had to give the right answer and he couldn’t tell which one it was. 

“Do you feel like there is a problem? What’s bothering you the most in all that?” 

“You mean besides the fact I see and talk to someone no one else can see?”

She smiled at his blunt, defensive answer. 

“You tell me.” 

“I… Is it possible ? I mean… Is there a condition that could make me see something like that ? He seems… real. I could see every detail, feel his touch…”

At the first appointment, they hadn’t gotten really far. She had made him explain why he was coming and he had told her vaguely that he struggled with reality. He was reluctant to talk about it, even if he wanted to get to the bottom of it. On the second appointment, she had managed to gain his trust and he had begun to open up to her after that. “I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.” She had said. “Nothing you tell me is too weird or wrong. It’s no because it’s in your head that it’s not real.” He told her about Lucifer, about the church, the priests, the legend. 

“The human mind is extremely powerful. What you have to ask yourself is why. What do you find with that friend you can’t find with someone else?” 

Sam took a long time to answer. 

“I don’t know. I mean…” He laughed at himself. “Honestly, we can only meet in that church, he doesn’t understand most of the human stuff. But… It just feels right when I’m with him.” 

“You were born in that church right? It’s obvious you feel a strong connection to the place.”

“Yes, but only when he’s there. I mean, I like Castiel but I wouldn’t care going there that much without Luci.” 

“You never talked about him to anyone?”

“I did at first, but no one believed me so I stopped. They weren’t really impressed with the Bible’s retelling.” He chuckled.

“You’re a very creative boy. And you don’t like injustice. Those stories aren’t graved in stone. A lot of believers had different interpretations of them, and studies show that some things aren’t true. It’s not that far-fetched.” 

He smiled at that. No one had ever told him that and it felt good to be validated for once. 

“You’re leaving for college soon. How does it fit in all that ? Are you excited ? Nervous?”

“I’m glad to go to college. I hope I get Stanford. Jess should be coming too.”

“Jess is an important person for you, isn’t she?” She had a knowing smile. Sam bit his lip. 

“I… Yeah. She’s a really good friend.” 

He knew he wasn’t fooling Mrs Vallens, but a part of him still hadn’t admitted his own feelings. They talked a bit more about college. The exorcist had been right. It was good to talk to someone who wasn’t involved in his life but could offer some advice. 

Dean looked in a good mood. He was whistling along the music, his finger gently curled around the wheel. He had found an old Impala at Bobby’s and had immediately fallen in love with it. He had spent a lot of time repairing it and called it his baby. 

“So Sam, gonna ask Jess to the prom?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Because everyone knows what’s going on here Sammy !”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Dean snorted. 

“Okay, okay. Oh, Castiel asked if you wanted to swing by, it’s been a while. He said to tell you that the exorcist is leaving for a few weeks.”

“I’ll go with you to say hello.” 

He still had mixed feelings about the exorcist. He didn’t like him at all, but the man was only trying to help him. Father Walker had convinced him to see a therapist. And he had to admit that it did him some good. It was nice to have someone to talk to about Lucifer. He had been upset at first, as it was hard to admit Lucifer wasn’t real, but he was beginning to come to terms with that fact. 

“Did Mom and Dad asked you to come get me ?”

“Well yeah, but I wanted to in the first place. Look, I know, you can come back home on your own, but you don’t have to. I could drive you to your therapist everyday if you needed to, I mean, it gives me a reason to drive that beauty after all.” He said, patting the wheel. “How was it today?”

Sam shrugged. 

“Alright I guess. She asks, I answer. Everyone stops worrying.” 

“Do you ?”

“I was seeing the Devil, Dean. Well, kinda, he was looking pretty average, but still. I don’t know what to think about it.” 

“As long as you don’t see him on your shoulder everyday telling you to kill people, it’s fine.” 

“He never did that, I told you already , you jerk !”

“Bitch !” 

They stopped to eat at a dinner. They could have gone home right away, but Dean liked to spend some time with his brother. 

“You’re going to the city, Sammy !” Dean said around a mouthful of greasy burger. “Have to make the best of it while you’re still here.”

“I will come home for holidays, you’re aware of that?”

“Not the same. Don’t let them chew you out, show them what you’ve got, huh?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell them I have a scary big brother who’s ready to drive hours to punch them in the face!”

“I would and you know it!” Dean growled, pointing his finer at Sam. “No one messes with my little brother!”

Sam shook his head, laughing. It was good not to see the worried look Dean used to make sometimes when he looked at him. He felt a bit more normal since he had admitted that Lucifer wasn’t real. Still, he couldn’t help the pinch in his heart when he thought too much about it. He missed the angel’s presence a lot. He didn’t have it in him to throw away the feather. He had stored it in a drawer, safely tucked in a box. He had to fight the urge to take it out sometimes, as he craved to have it in his hands once more. All his research, books, notes on all the lore about the Devil was there too. He had dreams from times to times, when he vaguely saw the angel calling for him, but he didn’t remember them precisely. The church also appeared in his mind sometimes, as did the apple tree. If the exorcist wasn’t going to be there, he could go. At least for closure or something like that. 

The church was chilly. Castiel was talking to an old woman, who was gripping his elbow and chatting with enthusiasm. Sam took a look at the walls and sculptures, as he hadn’t done in years. He dragged his feet to the garden, reluctant to go. His skin felt too tight when he reached the tree. It was like the area was empty, as if something was lacking. The trunk was rough under his fingers. There was no half-eaten apple in the grass. He took a large breath, trying to ease his nerves. He had spent so much time in this garden, talking to Lucifer, and it all seemed to blur in his head. The weight in his chest had come back and he felt like crying. A prickling sensation at the base of his skull made him abruptly turn back, but there was no one. He could swear someone was whispering his name. 

“You’re not real.” 

His voice cracked. It was harder than he had thought. He could almost see Lucifer in front of him, with his calm posture, soothing voice and shiny wings. He could almost see his pleading face (“Sam, please, don’t go.”), he could imagine what he would look like right now (a sad-looking face, some frustration showing in his shoulders). He closed his eyes, fists clenching. 

“You’re not real. Go.” He repeated, with more conviction. 

“Sam, don’t listen to them” Lucifer could have said. “Don’t leave me alone. You’re mine. My vessel. The only one…”

He could almost hear him and it was killing him. How does one become so attached to an hallucination? He was breathing hard, shaking. 

“You’re just an hallucination.”

“No, Sam !”

His brain was obviously fighting hard. He was crying now. He opened his eyes, straightening his back. 

“You’re not real. You’re only in my head, and I’m done.” 

It was silent now. 

Lucifer was screaming. He had hoped that Sam would fight the exorcist’s influence, but the man had known exactly which buttons to push to make Sam believe him. It was agony to have Sam so close and yet being unable to reach him. His grace was rolling furiously, in waves of light and electricity. The boy had closed off his soul, and for the first time since Sam was born, Lucifer felt alone, cut from his vessel. He hadn’t felt such a rage since his fall. Was he really condemned to lose everyone he loved? His father, his brothers, and now even his vessel rejected him. He would have killed the exorcist since he stepped a foot in the church, but his power was bound, and he could barely move objects. He was less than a ghost and he couldn’t blame Sam for not believing he was really here. 

“Sam, you have to let me in.” 

It was no use. The boy couldn’t hear him anymore. Lucifer felt like he could have smote anything out of rage. 

“Sam…Sam ! No, don’t go !” 

The boy left the garden without turning back. His shoulders were still a bit stiff, and he was wiping his tears. Lucifer put all his energy trying to take human form but it was useless. He could only watch in despair as Sam was swallowed by the church. 

Stanford had accepted him. The letter had come in this morning and he had opened it with shaking hands. His parents and Dean had congratulated and hugged him, promising him a special dinner to celebrate. He had called Jess immediately, who had told him that she had been accepted too. Crowley and Garth had already had their answers for college before, and he sent them a text to give them the news. He asked the tree if they wanted to go out, but Garth was out of town with his parents and Crowley answered he had a date. He refused to tell with who, though. 

“Guess he’s with Naomi.” Jess said, playing her straw.

“You think? Why not tell us then?” 

She shrugged. 

“Sam, do you want to go to the prom with me?” 

He nearly spat his drink. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He hadn’t expected her to ask him. He had wanted to ask her, but he hadn’t found the right moment. He had hoped, but he would never had expected her to be interested. 

“Of course.” He managed to blurt. 

She smiled, putting her hand on his. It was a miracle his head didn’t explode right here and now. He felt lightheaded, not knowing what to do or say. Jess seemed way more at ease. Unlike him, she managed to drink without choking. He let himself bask in the moment, taking in the small strands of hair that strayed on her face, the light movement of her thumb on his backhand skin and the catchy song playing in the shop. He felt happy. But he couldn’t help thinking that her touch wasn’t as intense as Lucifer’s. He tried not to think of what if would have felt like to be with the angel in such a casual situation. But Jess was real and warm against him, and he was tired of feeling like a freak. He would go to the prom with her, then to college. With Jess, he could feel normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, the angst isn't finished yet ! They will be reunited soon, don't worry.  
> I wanted to finish this fic before going on holidays, but I'm not sure I can. I think there is one more chapter, maybe two. I'll try my best, but maybe I'll finish it by the beginning of September.


	9. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer is dying, I have to write on my phone 😭

College life was good to Sam. He liked most of his classes, he had great teachers, new friends and Jess was with him most of the time. He shared his room with a short boy named Kevin, and next to them were Brady and Gadreel. He was glad to have Kevin with him. The boy was often stressed by homeworks and tests, but he was really kind and funny. His mother stopped by a few times – despite his telling her it wasn’t necessary – and Sam had immediately loved the woman. She was fierce, spirited and had insisted to take both of them to lunch every time she came. Brady was the party guy, always trying to make them come to parties, promising them to have a good time. They had tried once. They had politely left two hours later. Dean had nearly a heart attack when he heard about that. “College Sam, it’s college! You go there to go to parties, drink and have sex! What are you doing ?” “That’s not the point of college Dean !” Sam liked calm nights with a few friends much better. Jess got along with Kevin, so they often went out together. It was funny to see Brady and Gadreel together. Gadreel was a tall, serious guy, who seemed to consider everything like a science experiment. He was quiet, especially next to Brady, and they were often together, despite their being complete opposites.

He had called Garth and Crowley a few times. It was weird not to see them everyday, but they would see each other on holidays. They also texted a lot.

“My parents say hello to you.” Jess said, taking a seat at the table where Sam was. “Did you get me a strawberry milkshake? Oh here it is! Thank you Sam!”

She put her free hand in his and he intertwined their fingers. He was still stunned by the fact that they were actually together.

“I still have to finish the assignment for Mr Donatello. How about you?”

“Finished yesterday !” She said proudly.

The teacher was a passionate, over-excited man, but full of sarcasm. He gave them a lot of work and he liked to say he didn't have a soul to explain his blunt attitude. Sam wasn't really sure wether he liked the man or not, but he liked his classes, as he learned a lot in them.   
He was learning a lot in general. The university had a huge library in which he could spend hours. 

"Excuse me ? " 

They both looked up to see two boys who were holding tracts. 

"We are member of the Interfaith group of Stanford. We hold discussion groups and prayers nights if you're interested. " 

Jess took the tract, smiling. 

"There are all kind of faiths in the group? "

"We have both jewish people and christians. There are even one or two muslims who come from times to times." 

"Oh, I'd like to come. Sam, what do you think ? " 

"I'm not really a believer." He said cautiously. 

"You don't have to be a believer. If you're curious, you can come and see if you like it. Maybe you'll even find faith there."

"I'll think about it." 

The two boys left. 

"You have always been interested in religion. I remember when you did all that research about the Devil and such." 

"I don't do that anymore." 

When he had stopped talking about Lucifer when he was around ten years old, he hadn't talked about religious things with anyone again. Not even Jess. And he still didn't want to. His psychotherapist had said he was making progress, and he felt like it. He wasn't as distressed as he was at first when he thought about the angel. He had admitted he wasn't real and had found ways to cope. But talking about religion would reopen the wound, he was certain of that.   
"I'm not interested. But you should go Jess."

"Okay, if you're sure. I will tell you about it of you want. " 

He could see the tract on the table in the corner of his eye. He didn't want to think about it. But he did. All day. He got into his bed with a motion of his hand towards his nightstand before remembering that the feather was back home in a drawer, and that he hadn't touched it in months. He still felt the softness under his fingertips. Since he had decided to let go of his imaginary friend, he hadn't had a bad moment. Mrs Vallens had warned him that it could happen. Sleep eluded him at first. He turned and turned in his sheets. There was a restlessness inside him he couldn't shake.   
When he finally managed to fall asleep, he dreamt of Lucifer. The angel was in a garden. Naked, with his wings out and spread, he was looking at a woman. It was obviously the garden of Eden and Eve. Lucifer stayed away, but he was watching intensely. Sam could feel his emotions. A touch of curiosity, a lot of resentment, distrust. But also pity. And anger that wasn't directed at the human. Eve was looking at the apple tree, while petting a rabbit. The dream blurred, and Sam was a snake, coiling around a branch. 

"Why don't you take one if you want to ? "

"I can't. It's forbidden. Who are you ? " 

"I'm an angel. If you're not supposed to eat them then why are they so close to you ? Don't you want to taste one ? " 

"But God said we could die if we did."

"God is forgiving, isn't he ? How could he tempt you like that and expect you to obey ? It's not fair."

The dream blurred again, Eve's confused face disappearing. When her face was clear again, Sam was watching her glaring furiously at Lucifer. 

"You knew it would happen ! You tricked me ! "

"I did not. You should be angry at someone else. I'm not the one who made the rules. " 

"You're a liar, serpent. Go to hell where you belong !" 

Sam could now feel different emotions. Betrayal, confusion, resignment. He woke up at the sound of fluttering wings, so clear it sounded like the angel was in the room. He wasn't and Sam felt his heart was about to explode.   
He stayed totally still for a moment, hearing the pounding of blood in his head, the regular ticking of his clock. He was drenched in sweat and his cheeks were wet. His body felt heavy, and he wondered for a few seconds if he would ever get out of his bed again. It reminded him of the day he found Lucifer not appearing, when the exorcist had came into town. It was the same despair, the same feeling of loneliness. A whine escaped his throat and he curled in a ball. He desperately wanted to see Lucifer again.  
The dream repeated itself night after night. 

  
He spent days in a daze, barely aware of what was happening around him. Jess was worried, but he didn’t want to tell her the truth, so he only told her he didn’t sleep well. Brady patted him on the back, warning him against stress and overwork. Gadreel said nothing, but exchanged a few looks with Jess.

  
“I smoke a bit when I can’t sleep, you should try. ”

  
Gadreel and Jess both glared at Brady, who raised his hands in surrender. 

  
“I pray when I can’t find sleep.” 

  
Apparently, Gadreel was also very religious, and Jess and him had talked about going to the interfaith group together. 

  
“Huh, yeah, I don’t think either is gonna help me. ”

  
Jess had her hand on his shoulder, gently caressing his nape in a soothing motion. 

  
“Its nearly the holidays. Maybe you can rest at home.” 

  
He nodded. Returning home meant being near to the church and he didn’t know how he was going to cope. He had called his therapist and she had done her best to ground him, but he didn’t feel better. They had made an appointment for when he would come home, but it was still two weeks from now. It was beginning to have an impact on his work and felt like he was spiralling down. He really had thought he had put all of this behind him. 

“You look like hell ! What the fuck is college doing to you ? ”

  
Dean had came to get Sam at the train station and one look at his brother’s face had switched the mother hen mode. 

  
“I don’t sleep very well, it’s nothing.”

  
“I swear I try to keep an eye on him, but you know how your brother is ! ” Jess said shaking her head. 

  
Dean hugged her and the three of them got in the car. Dean asked how college was going for Jess and they chatted with animation, while Sam's mind drifted elsewhere. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lucifer. It was so hard to remind himself all the work he had done to separate imagination from reality. The dreams were persistent and he had more and more difficulty to rest at night. He had even dreamt in plain day the day before – more like an hallucination, but not like Lucifer. He could tell it wasn’t real, but it had confused him a lot. He hoped he would rest at home. Maybe the university was too much of a new environment and it was weighting on him ? 

  
“Sam ! I'm so glad to see you !” 

  
His parents were nearly as enthusiastic as Dean (which was difficult, even for parents, as Dean had for himself the intensity of both a mother and a father). They also commented on his tired look and tried to make him eat as much as they could. 

  
“Castiel asked about you. He says he sends his prayers.”

  
“Is he gonna visit soon ? It’s been some time, seeing him would be nice. Tell him he can have dinner with us, darling. ” Mary said to Dean. 

  
Dean nodded, mouth already full of pie. Sam wanted to ask if the exorcist was still around, but he was somewhat scared of the answer. His feeling about the man had only became worse with time. He hadn’t seen him again, but his memory seemed to deform itself with time. The priest had only been polite and kind to him, but when he thought about their encounters, he would envision a menacing presence around him, as if the exorcist had became an evil figure in his mind. He couldn’t shake the feeling, and the more he thought about it, the more he dreaded seeing the man again. 

  
Nothing had changed in his bedroom, bit it seemed more distant now, like it was already something from the past. He took a step towards the desk where the feather was but he stopped himself. He opened a book Gadreel had given to him, and after reading the same paragraph five times, he admitted to himself he was stalling. The dreams were dreams. They weren’t nightmares. But they were so intense that they took all his energy. And if he was honest with himself, he liked them too much. He didn’t want to wake up. It was bordering on obsession and he knew it wasn’t good. He couldn’t concentrate on his studies anymore. He switched off the light, trying to follow all the advices people have given to him to calm down. It seemed to work, as he felt himself drifting to sleep not long after. 

Darkness was surrounding him. It was cold, but it didn’t bother him. He couldn’t see anything but a part of his mind knew he was in the church. He could sense Castiel's presence. Zachariah was also here. They were so different. Their souls were nothing alike. Castiel shone brightly, with balanced colors, while Zachariah had a dimmed, incomplete light. The third being was bright too, but was pulsing in a menacing way. He also missed some colors. One was taking too much place in his balance. It was spilling everywhere, coiling around him. Sam felt a great rage rising in him. It consumed him, and he couldn’t sense anything else anymore. It was waves, lightning, noise and some things he couldn’t name. He felt like he was about to burst, like his skin was too tight. Finally, he could hear a voice, but it was polluted by other noises. 

  
“Sam ! Sam ! ” 

  
Someone was calling his name in an alarmed way, but the sound was distorted, and it was like trying to hold something very slippery. 

  
“You’re in danger Sam. Be careful of… ” 

  
He felt that he was on the verge of waking up, and he tried to stay a bit more in that dream, tried to hear the voice to understand what it was about. 

  
“can’t help… Sam… the book…don’t trust…”

  
He woke up abruptly, shaking. He couldn’t move, every member paralyzed with shock. He felt like too much information had entered his brain and it couldn’t process. There was only one word that stuck in his mind and it was Lucifer’s name.   
He crawled out of his bed as soon as he could, reaching his desk. His shaking hands opened the drawer, retrieving the feather. Having it between his fingers was bliss and he wondered how he had been able to go on without that feeling. He wouldn’t give it up again, that he was sure of. He didn’t care if Lucifer wasn’t real, because praying to him again felt like coming home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write a chapter before I leave on holidays !  
> We're getting there, next chapter will have more action in it.  
> I will maybe add a minor character death, but I'm not sure yet. It would be canon if I did.  
> See you next chapter !


	10. chapter 9

Chapter 9 

For the first time since the dreams had started, he felt at peace. He had felt conflicted, guilty even at first. He tried to fight them, to make himself forget, but nothing had worked. Now he had accepted them, he felt better. He didn’t why he had dreamt of a warning the first night home though. He debated going to the church. Lucifer wasn’t real, he understood that, but if it made feel him better, why should he deny himself ? The feather was back on his nightstand. Praying to the angel had relaxed him.   
Crowley and Garth were in town too and the four of them went out, glad to be together once again. Crowley told them about a guy who had turned him down at their business school “I know he’s named Dick, but I didn’t think it was literal ! He was so rude !” and Garth told them all about the gross things he learned at medical school. Sam was happy to see that both liked what they were doing.   
He lasted two days before going to the church. He chatted a bit with Castiel, then went to the garden. It was quiet, looking exactly as he remembered. He climbed the tree, hoping Zachariah wouldn’t see him. He was way taller than when he was in high school and it was a bit cramped. It was good to be here again. 

  
“Lucifer ? ” He began, hesitant. “I know you’re not real, but… I thought maybe, I should talk to you again. I miss you. A lot. I dreamt of you every night for nearly a month now. I…I wish I could see you again. ” 

  
He closed his eyes, trying to remember the feeling of the angel’s presence. It was amazing how he could recall the first time he had met him. He didn’t remember anything else from such a young age, like most people, but that memory was still very clear in his mind. His mother believed in angels, he could too. At least in one. As long as he knew it wasn’t real, there wasn’t any harm. Besides, his therapist had told him that forcing himself to deny it and ignoring it weren’t healthy. He had to find the right place, that was all. He stayed two good hours in the tree before going home, feeling lighter. 

  
Father Walker had went to every library possible, asked every linguists he knew, but nothing came back to him. There was a whole page in Jimmy Novak's journal, that wasn’t in the exorcist's handwriting by the way, which was unreadable. It was weird symbols, written hastily on the last page. He had no idea what it was and it was frustrating as hell. Zachariah had called him this morning to tell him that the Winchester boy was back to the church. He had thought he had successfully scared the boy away, but it had obviously not been enough. He was worried. He would have to act before it was too late. It was his duty.   
Lucifer watched the exorcist walked into the church with attention. He knew he would be back. The angel had been overjoyed when Sam prayed to him the other night. It had been so long, he had forgotten how good it felt. He hated being cut from him. But now he was back, the exorcist would surely try to drive him away once again. Lucifer couldn’t find a way to prove his existence to Sam and that was the most infuriating. The bond was stronger though, as Sam was older, but he wouldn’t free him if he didn’t believe he was real. He had faith in Sam, but he hoped it would rather be soon. 

Sam looked healthier, according to his parents. He felt much better now he wasn’t fighting the dreams anymore. He had an appointment with Mrs Vallens today and he told Dean he didn’t need to drive him. 

  
“I can drive alone Dean. And don’t you have work sometimes ? ” 

  
“Fine, fine. See you later.” 

  
He took his parent’s car. He felt happy actually. Much happier than he had been in months. He drove past Jessica who was walking on the walk side and stopped. 

  
“Sam ! You going to the city ? ” 

  
“Wanna come with me ? ” 

  
She climbed next to him. She was relieved to see he was better. 

  
“My parents asked if you wanted to have dinner with us tomorrow evening ? ” 

  
“Of course, tell them I will. ” 

  
“They want your version of college I think.

Though, prepare yourself to be asked if you’re “treating me properly”.

  
“Which means ? ” 

  
“You know. They worry about you big moose deflowering their innocent daughter.” 

  
Sam burst in laughter. He loved how Jess could say this kind of things with a straight face. She could be very blunt sometimes, especially on subjects her parents would never imagine her talking about. Sam had laughed for nearly half an hour when they compared how their respective parents had told them about sex, and Jess had told him what her parent’s version of the Talk was. 

  
“Am I supposed to lie ? ” 

  
“Please do. I don’t want to get the disappointed/worried look ! ”

  
“ Do they know I saw your ankles once ? ” 

  
She laughed and put the radio on. 

  
“They are already worried because you’re not a believer.” 

  
“Does it bother you ? ” 

  
“It doesn’t. But if you accept to come to the Christmas mass with me, I’d be very happy. ” 

  
“Deal.” 

  
They were almost in the city when a car collided into theirs. 

  
Sam had been kicked out of the room. Jess was going to surgery anyway. He had miraculously came out intact of the crash, but Jess was in a bad state. He had a few scraps and a cut on his forehead, but the doctor had cleared him. He had called Jess' parents and Dean, who was on his way. 

  
“Sam !” 

  
He was engulfed in a bruising hug. 

  
“Dean, I’m fine ! ” 

  
“Are you ? ” 

  
“Yeah, not even a broken bone.” 

  
Dean was still tightly holding his shoulders, his face pale. 

  
“Jess ? ” 

  
“She just went to surgery. She’s unconscious. ” 

  
He was trying to keep it together, but he was worried. Brady had called him and he had asked Jess to drive to take the phone. He should have been in her place, on the driver’s seat, where the other car had hit them. His guts were twisted by guilt. He couldn’t help but thinking that he shouldn’t have taken her with him in the first place. 

  
“It's my fault.” 

  
“Sam, how the hell could you have known ? There was nothing you could do. ”

  
“I… I should call Mrs Vallens. ”

  
“It can wait. Jess’ parents are coming ? ” 

  
“Yeah. They’re both working but I got her father and he said they should be here soon.” 

  
Jess' parents arrived one hour later. Sam explained what happened until a doctor took on. 

  
“What about the other car ? ” 

  
“Hit and run. The police is gonna look for eye witnesses for the plate. We didn’t even saw the color.” 

  
They had to wait for the surgery to be done. Sam rubbed his face, looking at the ceiling. There was a sign that indicated a chapel. He got up.   
There was no one. He let his hand trace the benches' backrests before dropping on one. He prayed to Lucifer, looking for comfort. He didn’t believe in miracles or in fate, but he prayed for Jessica to be safe. 

  
“Please, may she be saved. Take me in her place if you have to,it’s my fault anyway. ” 

  
He suddenly had a vision-hallucination ? Waking dream ? – of Lucifer wrapping his wings around him. Warmth filled his body and he stayed like that, quiet and still. It felt comfortable.

  
“Sam ? The surgery is done. I looked for you everywhere. We’re not allowed to see her, it’s family only. ” 

  
He followed Dean. His anxiety had calmed down and he was almost feeling calm. They say goodbye to Jess' parents, promising to come the day after. He called Mrs Vallens to explain why he hadn’t made it to their appointment and she kindly offered to call her if he wanted to talk about the accident. She wished Jess a quick recovery and told him to send her a message to plan their next appointment. John and Mary were already there when they got home. They jumped on him as soon as he put a foot in the living room, showering him with questions and hugs. 

  
“The car is wrecked. Sorry. ” 

  
“Who cares about that damn car ?” John exclaimed. “You look really fine for someone who was in a car crash actually. ” He then noticed. 

  
“Yeah, my shoulder hurts, but that’s all. Jess wasn’t so lucky. ” 

  
“Is she gonna be fine ? ”

  
“They said she was stable for now, but it’s bad.”

  
Dean handed him a glass. 

  
“Dean ! ” 

  
“What ? It’s good for the nerves. ” 

  
Sam accepted the whisky and sipped on it on the couch. His mind drifted a bit until… 

  
He was in a room he had never seen before. Father Walker was pacing next to a table where was sitting a bearded man. He was furious.

  
“That boy is dangerous. We can’t afford to let him roam around the town ! ”

  
“You told me he would be alone ! He was supposed to be the one driving ! ”

  
“You didn’t checked before ? ”

  
“No ! I looked for the plate you gave me and I...oh Lord, that poor girl. ”

  
“And the Devil’s vessel is still alive. ”

  
“We can still do something, right ? ”

  
“How ? It would look suspicious now. We have to find another way. ”

  
The glass exploded in his hand, making three heads turn in his direction. 

  
“Sam ? You okay ? What’s happening ? ” 

  
His head was hurting him and his ears were ringing. He had no idea what had happened right now and he could barely move. 

  
“Sam ? Is it your head ? Should we call the doctor ? ”

  
He shook his head, trying to sit back on the couch -when did he fall ? It took him a few moments to come back to reality. He reassured his family and went to his room. He took the feather in his hands, clutching it to his chest. 

  
“What was that ? What’s happening to me ? Lucifer, am I losing my mind ? ” 

  
He stroked the feather to ground himself, dropping on his bed. When the night came, he tried to sleep but he had a feeling that kept him awake. He got up and silently sneaked out of the house. The feather still in his hand, he leaned against the trunk of the apple tree. He liked the church at night. He joined his hands, the feather clasped between them, letting his head drop. 

  
“I wish you were real Lucifer. I don’t know if I’m insane or what, but I keep seeing things and I don’t know what to make of it. Just a bit earlier, it was… it can’t be, right ? Father Walker can’t be involved. It was an accident. I have to stop demonizing the guy right ? ”

  
The wind was making the leaves shake. Hecould almost hear wings fluttering. He concentrated on the sound, and he felt once again his mind going elsewhere. He had the image of a notebook in his head. It was old, blackened by fire he assumed and there was a pentagram on it. Another image showed him the name of James Novak written on a page . He opened his eyes. What the hell was that ? Why could he see things in his mind ? It wasn’t enough that he had invented a friend, he also had to invent things about existing persons. But he remembered that Castiel had mentioned a notebook once. A journal written by his ancestor head found in a room full of old things. He was curious now. 

The next day, he went to see Castiel and asked him if he could see the notebook. The priest was surprised but accepted to lend it to him without hesitation. He read every page. There were things he didn’t understand, but Jimmy Novak really had put together a ritual to trap the Devil. The last page was written in a weird language, in small symbols. It hurt his head to try to distinguish letters or something, but he didn’t know what kind of language it could be. A few seconds later, it began making sense. He didn’t know that language, and yet, he could read it if he put some effort into it. He didn’t know how it was possible but he could read it. It was a ritual to free the Devil. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done !  
> And I'm gonna add this minor character death, sorry ! I hesitated, but the story makes more sense to me that way.  
> 


	11. chapter 10

Chapter 10 

Jessica died on a Wednesday. Sam had never been to a funeral before and he understood better what people told about them. He could still hear her voice, the last words she said before the crash and the words were stuck in his mind, in a never-ending loop. He had dreaded facing her parents during the ceremony. But they never put the blame on him. 

  
“I know you think you’re responsible, son, but you’re not.” Jessica’s father said, hand on Sam's shoulder. “She wasn’t alone, she was with you and for that, I’m grateful. She was always happy with you. ” 

  
His voice was strained and Sam could feel he was struggling not to cry. Her mother hugged Sam tight, and he was the first one to shed tears. It puzzled him that they were trying to comfort him when he was the reason she died. Castiel came to give his condolences too. He exchanged a few words with her parents. He didn’t know Jessica much, as the Moores went to another church, but he knew her from Sam. 

  
“She will rest forever in the fields of the Lord.” 

  
His grave voice resonated in Sam's chest and he desperately wanted to believe him. He had spent hours in his bed, praying and trying to sleep it off. Even Dean had left him alone, knowing he needed time alone. He thought of all the images of Heaven they had imagined with Jessica, especially the silly ones. It made him smile, and he pictured her crossing pearly gates, sitting on a cloud and chatting with her cat – Moon had died years ago, and they had wondered if animals went to Heaven too. Maybe she was already checking facts and demanding answers from all the dead people. She always said she would do that if she could. He lifted his head, looking at the sky. He briefly wondered if she could see him from up there. 

  
He felt a cold sensation in his nape and he turned, nervous. Father Walker was a few meters farther, talking to the priest in charge of the ceremony. Sam couldn’t help the feeling of anger and fear directed at the man. He didn’t know if he should trust his dreams and visions, or if he associated Lucifer’s loss with the priest – that was what had suggested Mrs Vallens once and it made sense after all. The man had played a significant part in the process of realizing that Lucifer wasn’t real and he resented him somehow. But he wasn’t sure he could have imagined the cold stare the priest gave him when he came towards them. 

  
“My condolences Mr Winchester. It’s a miracle you made it unharmed. ”

  
“I was supposed to drive alone.” 

  
“Now, you couldn’t have predicted that.” 

  
“You’re right, I’m not the one who told him to hit our car on purpose. ” 

  
He kept his eyes locked in the exorcist's, who flinched almost imperceptibly. There was a small moment of uncomfortable silence. Dean talked first. 

  
“It was an accident Sam. Even if the bastard ran away. ” 

  
“They didn’t catch them ? ” 

  
“No Father. ” 

  
Was he imagining the dark gleam in his eyes ?   
He stayed with Garth and Crowley after the ceremony. It affected them a lot, as they had been inseparable since they were children. It was weird to be one member down. Praying calmed him down but it was more and difficult to keep the anger at bay. He sat on his bed, lost. He mechanically took the feather in his hands, lying down. 

He was floating. He could feel every molecule around him, in the air surrounding him, in his flesh and organs. There was a pulsating energy next to him, which was slowly coming closer. It mingled with him, in a blinding flash of light. 

  
“Sam.” 

  
He knew this voice. 

  
“Sam, free me. Free me and I will avenge you. ”   
Lucifer was all around him, both inside and outside, his voice resonating in his mind. 

  
“Yes.”

He answered without hesitation. The angel’s presence was overwhelming but at the same time, he could feel the distance that separated them. It was a dream, and nothing could compare to the solid presence of Lucifer, both cold and warm against his soul. He missed the feeling. He needed to feel it again. How did he forget how much he missed the angel ? 

  
“The ritual.” 

  
“Only you can do it.” 

  
He felt the angel’s grace fade, slipping away from him. He tried to cling to it but there was nothing to grasp. His sheets were soaked, once again. He had tangled his legs in them, so much he had difficulty to get out of the bed. He had left the notebook in his drawer, with his books about the Devil. He took it, opening it at the last page. The same feeling behind his eyes made him blink a few times, before settling in the symbols. Letting his mind drift, he let the language make sense on it’s own. The ritual had to take place in the church, naturally. There was an incantation, in the same weird language that he didn’t know anything about, but could read as such. The pronunciation came to him without effort. There was something about holy oil, the consent of a vessel, human blood and others ingredients, like plants and fruits.   
Sam stared at the page. Was he really going to do that ? A part of him found the whole thing perfectly natural, but the other part was pointing out how ridiculous he was. 

  
“What do I have to lose anyway ? ” He whispered. 

  
It wasn’t like he risked anything. Worst was nothing happening. Being disappointed. But at least, he would put his mind at ease. It would also make him busy. There were drawings of circles, pentagrams and other symbols in his head. He knew exactly what to do.   
He spent the week after looking for ingredients, and preparing how and when he would do the ritual. He also went to see Mrs Vallens, who had given him a medical certificate for school. He was glad of that, he wouldn’t have been able to go to class with Jess’ death so close. He went to the church one night, without thinking that he would have to go through the cemetery. He had stayed on Jessica’s tombstone a few moments.

  
Castiel was concerned about Sam. He seemed preoccupied, but not in a grieving way. It was like he was busy doing something else but no one knew what. He hoped the young man had a healthy way of coping. He had offered to listen to him and Sam had taken the offer once. He still likes coming to the church. And he still likes climbing in the tree, eating apples and hiding from Zachariah. Castiel liked to remind himself of Dean and Sam listening to the biblical stories. It was already a long time ago. Dean still came by to see him, but he never stayed long, as he didn’t occupy himself with pranking the other priest anymore and couldn’t be bribed by new stories for he knew all of them. Sam had stopped coming for months, until he came back from university. He was always in the garden, unlike Dean. He wondered if the boy still thought of his imaginary friend. Castiel had been surprised when the young boy had claimed talking to an angel named Lucifer.   
A pained shout startled him. He had thought he was alone at this hour. He followed the sound but stayed away. Father Walker was in the old room, rummaging through the piles of books, papers and others. He was mumbling to himself, visibly upset. 

  
“Can I help you ? ” Castiel politely asked. 

  
The exorcist was as surprised as Castiel had been, but he quickly managed to compose himself. 

  
“There was a box here before. Where did it go ? An old metallic box with holy wood in it.”

  
“Ah, I remember that. But it was in plain sight, maybe father Zachariah moved it. I will ask. ”

  
“Thank you. ” 

  
“You seem upset. Is there a problem ? ” 

  
“There are not many exorcists left. We have to prove we’re useful sometimes and it’s… There are very few people who trust us. ” 

  
“I wanted to be an exorcist when I was a child. But there was no one to teach me and you’re right, people don’t believe in that anymore. They don’t even see the interest in theory. ” 

  
“I saw a lot of things during my career. Even some priests don’t believe me. Evil has many ways to take form and old fashioned exorcisms aren’t the answer anymore. ” 

  
“Demons can worm their way into our thoughts. ” Castiel said absently.“I’m worried about the young Winchester. He seemed to believe the accident has someone to blame. I’m afraid the thought could consume him. ” 

  
“You worry a lot about that boy.” 

  
“The Winchesters boys and I share a bond. They’re very dear to me.” 

  
“I can see that. But some people’s fate are beyond our reach. ” 

  
He let Castiel close the room and they both went in the garden. There were apple cores on the grass, and it made Castiel smile. He had missed it. The exorcist left and it only then occured Castiel that Sam had asked to go to the old room two days ago. He didn’t really know why Sam would have taken the box, but a part of his mind was telling him something was up. 

Sam was trying hard to not jiggle his leg. He was going to do the ritual tonight and he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Bobby and Karen were having dinner with them, and he was genuinely happy to see them, but there was only Lucifer in his mind. He was scared of being delusional and coming up with nothing, but he couldn’t help the rising hope in him. If it was real, if he could see Lucifer again, for good this time, then… He thought of the day Lucifer had touched his soul with his grace. He had never forgotten the sensation, and he would give anything to feel it again.   
Jessica’s death was weighting on him, even with everything he had done to take his mind off it.He knew he would feel it strongly for a lot of time, but it wasn’t easy. The guilt was still here, despite everyone trying to comfort and reassure him. Ritual apart, he also wondered about Father Walker. If his visions were true, it was really bad news. But if all of this was true, freeing Lucifer would stop the exorcist.   
Bobby and Karen stayed until late, to Sam's despair. It was nearly two in the morning when everyone was finally asleep. He carefully took his backpack and left. He felt like he was being watched while walking. He kept turning his head nervously above his shoulder, as if someone was going to come and stop him. He took a big breath when he entered the cemetery. There was no one to see him, and no one to even know what he was doing, so he could relax. He said a quick hello to Jess and plucked an apple on the way. He had asked Castiel to go to the old room in the church the other day, and he had taken advantage of Castiel looking for the key to steal Zachariah's set of keys. The older priest wasn’t there because he was visiting his family, so no one had noticed. He would give them back soon. He entered the church, feeling like a criminal. It was quiet, but his steps sounded loud inside the walls. He went to the caves and chose a secluded spot, dusty and dark. No one had been there for quite a time, it was clear. He wiped the walls with his elbow, discovering the pentagrams already drawn on them. He got everything he needed out of his backpack and began scratching the drawings with a knife, opening the circles. The more he progressed, the more visions he had. He had flashes of a similar night. Walls cracking, a baby wailing -his birth. Men chanting, candles lit and blood dripping-the first ritual. He could see clearly as day Jimmy Novak's face, focused and determined, when he chanted the incantation with the other exorcists. He saw Lucifer raging, trapped, making the church crumble and burst in flames. The exorcists had died knowing they had succeeded, relieved.   
Sam was panting when he was finished. The final incantation died on his tongue and he waited. He couldn’t hear anything moving. The blood was rushing in his head. He frowned. He was sure he had done everything right, but nothing was happening.

  
“Samuel Winchester. Do you have any idea of what you’re trying to do ? ”

  
Sam didn’t have to turn around to recognize Father Walker. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited, it's gonna end soon!  
> Lucifer's getting out of the box !


	12. chapter 11

Chapter 11 

  
“What are you doing here ? ” 

  
“Watching over you. Father Castiel is really worried about you, you know.” 

  
“So you followed me here ? ” 

  
“I understand that the death of your friend has hit you hard, Sam…” 

  
“Don’t. I know what you’re up to. ”

  
The priest narrowed his eyes, taking in the fresh paint and all the ingredients that Sam had laid down on the floor. He finally found the missing box, opened to reveal a piece of wood. 

  
“How did you know how to make that ritual ? ” 

  
“You read the journal too, you should know. ” 

  
“I couldn’t read it. No one was able to tell me what language it was. But you could. ”

  
The exorcist said something but Sam didn’t hear, taken by a new vision. It was different from the precedent ones. He could see the two of them from an external point of view. They were battling. He saw the priest strangling him, then reapplying the sealing pentagrams. His lifeless body was lying next to the journal. Was it what the exorcist had planned out ? Was Sam right ? He was too far gone now to doubt. The ritual didn’t seem to have worked, but he was sure that the priest had the intention to hurt him. 

  
“You have no idea what you’re dealing with, boy ! ” Father Walker spat. 

  
“You’re the one who convinced me it wasn’t real. You wanted me out of the way.” 

  
“You are toying with things you can’t even understand, do you realize how dangerous it is ? ” 

  
“You never talked to him.” 

  
“Dont be ridiculous, whatever he promised you, he’s lying. You want to free the Devil ? You’re ready to be responsible for death and destruction ?”

  
“I…” 

  
He swallowed. He had always seen Lucifer as a friend, but the angel himself had told him numerous time that he wasn’t a good person. He often said he hated humans and that anger was what defined him the most. But he had always been kind to Sam. No one could fake this much. 

  
“He needs you to get out. I bet he was always there for you, comforting, never pushing, fascinating… but once he gets what he wants, what do you think is going to happen ? To you ? To the world ? ”

  
“He would never hurt me.” 

  
“How can you be so sure ? Do you think you’re the first one to fall in the Devil’s trap ? I’m trying to protect you, my boy, but if you don’t understand…” 

  
“You’ll kill me.” 

  
The exorcist didn’t try to deny the statement.

  
“I’m ready to do what’s necessary for the greater good.” 

  
Sam looked at the wall, where he had scratched the old sigils. The pentagram he had painted on the floor looked bright, and his eyes went to the box. The last page of the journal had talked about the Hand of God, a piece of the original Ark which had been touched by God. It had been used in the first ritual. Apparently, there was no power left in it, but it was necessary to conduct the energy. The feather Lucifer had gave him was also required, placed at the center of the circle. It flew when the exorcist stepped next to it, grabbing Sam's arm. 

  
“You still can stop this nonsense, Samuel.”

  
“Leave me alone ! ” 

  
He didn’t know what to think of the ritual. Had he failed ? Nothing was happening. He struggled against the priest, desperately thinking of Lucifer. Father Walker managed to take him by surprise, throwing him down. He kicked the box, then tried to scratch the biggest circle, beginning to recite an exorcism. 

  
“People always forget I’m not a demon. Exorcisms don’t work on me. ” 

  
The voice at his right ear sent shivers up his spine. He turned his head, barely believing his eyes when he saw Lucifer’s face. 

  
“Lucifer.” He breathed. “You’re out.” 

  
“Not yet. I need something from you. ”

  
“Anything.” 

  
The exorcist had stopped his exorcism, looking at him. 

  
“Don’t welcome the Devil Samuel. Be stronger. ”

  
“What do I have to do ?”

  
He wasn’t listening to father Walker. Lucifer’s presence was already appeasing him, chills on his skin reminding him all the hours he spent in the company of the angel. 

  
“Say yes to me. You have to consent to free me. ” 

  
“Yes.” 

  
He didn’t even wait for Lucifer to finish his sentence. He had already breathed out the word. 

  
“Yes !” 

  
He repeated, louder. He felt Lucifer’s grace expanding next to him, wild waves in all directions. The exorcist seemed to feel it too, as he clutched his cross and began praying. A rumbling sound that seemed to come from deep down the earth echoed. The walls were trembling. He was sure that the whole church was shaking. Stones were beginning to fall and Sam had to avoid one that would have landed on his leg. The exorcist was praying louder. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he made a horrified face. Lucifer had appeared in front of him. Sam got on his legs, stealing little glances at the crumbling ceiling, without wanting to miss what was going on before his eyes. For the first time, someone else could see the angel.

  
“Be gone, demon ! ” 

  
“For the last time, I’m an angel.” 

  
Lucifer was faking irritation but his smirk betrayed him. He raised his hand, fingers twitching. When he snapped his fingers, the exorcist ceased to talk, arms wrapping around him as to protect himself. He dropped to his knee, looking in pain.

  
“Luci…” 

  
“Oh Sam. I know what you’re thinking. But that man ? He will never stop hunting you. You will never be safe. ” 

  
“I know but… ”

  
He had never seen that look in the angel’s eyes. He was never able to associate Lucifer with anything evil, but at this moment, it was easy to believe he was the Devil. There was a dark light in his eyes, anger and exhilaration at the same time. It looked like he was about to loose all control. 

  
“Jess is dead because of him. ”

  
There was a sharp pain in his chest at the name of Jessica. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He felt like he hadn’t really understood that she was dead before this moment. He would never see her again. She would never ask him for a milkshake again. They wouldn’t stayed up late at night to talk about the future anymore. He was suddenly stricken by grief, now that he wasn’t concentrated on freeing Lucifer. He felt an uncontrollable anger rise in him. The walls around them seemed to tremble even more but he wasn’t sure, focused on the man on the floor, who was begging him to reject the Devil. He couldn’t distinguish himself from Lucifer. He was burning, and falling, and everything was light in him. He wasn’t sure it was his body anymore. It was like they had fused together. He raised his hand- or Lucifer did, and before he could realize what happened, the exorcist was lying on the floor, eyes still opened, unmoving.   
It scared him. What had he done ? What had happened ? It had been so fast, so confusing, his brain couldn’t catch up. The ceiling was still crumbling. Lucifer was once again next to him and he took his arm. 

  
“Sam, it’s too dangerous for you. Let’s go.” 

  
He nodded and before he could blink, they were in the church’s garden. 

  
“Why didn’t you let me take you further ? ” 

  
Sam didn’t answer. The whole ground was rumbling. It echoed in the air, like a storm in the ground. The church was shaking, walls coming apart. It was gonna be half-destroyed, once again. Sam thought of Castiel, who would be devastated by the church’s destruction. He wondered what would happen when the exorcist’s body would be found. 

  
“Sam.” 

  
He heard his name, but he couldn’t process what it meant. He just had killed someone in cold blood, destroyed a church and freed the Devil. He could feel the angel’s presence, more intense than ever, and he felt so at ease with it that it scared him. He was slowly coming to his senses. Everything was real. Since the beginning. He wasn’t insane, he wasn’t over-imaginative. He was the Devil’s vessel.   
Breathing was difficult. He was drowning. It was too much too handle and he bolted, running away. He heard Lucifer call his name again, but he didn’t stop. He ran for what seemed hours, his lungs burning. The voice of Father Walker was still resonating in his mind. “You started the Apocalypse, Samuel Winchester ! ” He dropped on the ground, back leaning against a tree. He cradled his head in his hands, trying to shake the thoughts swirling in his head. He tried to take deep breaths to calm down, but the lifeless body of the priest was burned in his mind. He wrapped his arms around his knees.   
The rumbling has ceased. It was almost quiet, but Sam could hear faint voices and car alarms. Everyone was surely thinking an earthquake happened. Would they understand the link with the church ? He hoped nothing else had been destroyed. What if someone else hat got hurt ? He couldn’t help but wondering what Jess would have thought of that. What face would she have made at seeing him kill someone. A part of him was telling him that he avenged her death but the other-which sounded a lot like Jessica- was telling him that it didn’t work like that, that you couldn’t fix a death by another. The guilt he felt was justified this time. He may not have got Jess killed but there was no escaping the responsibility of the priest's death. There was also the matter of Lucifer. He had never felt his rage like that, so close it was consuming. He could have lost himself in it. What scared him the most was that he had felt totally at ease with it, like it was his own. 

  
He had always trusted Lucifer but now he had freed him and experienced his power, he thought a second time about the exorcist’s warnings. He had never asked what Lucifer’s intentions were once he would be free. What if he really wanted to start the Apocalypse ? What if he killed other people ? Last time, no priests had survived. He was scared of having been played. He wondered where the angel was. He could have followed him without effort but he hadn’t. Sam didn’t want to think about the possibility of having been used and abandoned.   
He abruptly lift his head up. He had forgotten, but if everyone in town was awake, then his family was going to wonder where he was. He got up. When he arrived, all the neighborhood was in the street. He slipped through the crowd. 

  
“Sam, where the hell were you ? Why are you dressed ? ” Dean asked when he spotted him.

  
“Huh… I took a walk. ”

  
“A what ? Well, you chose your night ! It’s the first time there’s an earthquake in this area.”

  
“Is there a lot of damage ? ” Sam asked nervously. 

  
“Heard the church was ravaged. Castiel must be devastated. ” 

  
Sam bit his lip. The road was cracked. There was a fire hydrant spraying water everywhere. 

  
“Is anyone hurt ? ” 

  
“No idea. No one I heard of yet anyway.” John said. 

  
No one noticed the blond man watching the family. There were all busy observing the damage to notice there was someone they had never seen. The crowd slowly diminished. The Winchesters also went home. A few objects were on the floor. Sam removed his clothes and got in bed. He made an aborted gesture towards the nightstand before remembering that the feather was still on the church. as was the journal and all the ingredients, with the pentagram. Someone was going to find out about that. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamt of the police knocking to their door to arrest him. Castiel was accusing him of murder, while Zachariah was laughing. The exorcist was still repeating that he had started the apocalypse. And Lucifer was laughing too, telling him how stupid he had been to trust him. He stepped on Dean’s neck and the sound of crushed bones followed him all night. 


	13. chapter 12

Chapter 12 

The Devil strikes again 

  
This morning, the body of Father Gordon Walker, 68, was found in the ruins of Stull church. The priest was a well-respected exorcist, who was staying in town. The man was found lying in the middle of a freshly painted pentagram, among different holy objects and other ingredients that would put witches to shame. He appears to have succumbed to the ceiling collapsing on him. Exactly as the famous night that occured 118 years ago, a good part of the church was destroyed and a fire started. There was only one victim, and Father Novak and Father Milton affirm that they have no idea why Father Walker was in the church at this hour. They claim having nothing to do with any ritual the man seems to have taken part in. Father Novak confided that the exorcist hadn’t particularly said anything about the Devil and that he hadn’t even seemed to be a strong believer of the legend. Did Father Walker stumbled upon the Devil one night ? We asked some parishioners who saw him at Still church what they thought about him. “He was a very kind man, very devoted.” Mrs Hudson says. “He liked the legend, but I don’t think he really believed it. Maybe he changed his mind. The man would have died for that without hesitation.” Mr Rogers affirms. Stull church will be closed for an undetermined amount of time, and will be relocated in the waiting time. 

The Daily Lebanon 

  
The legend goes on at the gates of Hell

  
Yesterday, at Lebanon, Kansas, an earthquake occured in the night. The whole town suffered damage bit it mostly destroyed Still church, already famous for having been half-destroyed once. Indeed, 118 years ago, five priests who were also exorcists claimed to have found the way to trap the Devil inside the church. The day of the ritual, half of the church collapsed and a fire started. The five exorcists were killed in the process, as were three other priests who lived in the church. Today, it’s also an exorcist who was found dead in the church’s ruins, having put in place a similar ritual. The priest, Father Walker, had came to town a few times and was well known as one of the last exorcist in the country. Several artefacts were found with him, as he lied on a painted pentagram. The two priests who work here have declared that they didn’t know what his intentions were. Once again, those who believe are divided in two : those who think he trapped the Devil a second time, and those who think he failed. The legend says that under the church lie the gates of Hell and one can wonder about the link between the earthquake and the ritual. Tourists are expected. After all, who doesn’t like a good legend ? 

The Kansas Mirror

Two days after, the whole town was buzzing with excitement. Gossips were going easy, and everyone wanted to hear what the two priests had to say about their colleague's whereabouts. The story had attracted new tourists and the press printed dozens of versions of the accident. Candles were placed at the entry of the church in Father Walker’s memory. The most common theory was that the exorcist had came to town because he knew that the Devil was going to get out and had sacrificed himself to keep him trapped. But it was contradictory, because no one had ever heard the man talk about it. Some said he must have wanted to keep it a secret, for a better efficiency. Even those who didn’t believe found the whole thing disturbing. The sole presence of the man had been unusual to begin with. No one really knew why he had come to Lebanon. The ritual added to the earthquake was a too strong coincidence with the last time to ignore. 

  
Sam hadn’t dared to go to the church to retrieve the journal and the feather. He hadn’t heard of Lucifer, and he hadn’t tried to contact him, too engrossed in the guilt he felt. Dean had seen that he acted in an unusual way and had tried to make him talk, but Sam wasn’t sure he could tell him. It was too weird that he surely wouldn’t believe him. He had called Mrs Vallens to cancel his next appointment, giving a vague excuse. He couldn’t go there now he knew everything was real. He couldn’t tell her and he wasn’t willing to lie for nothing.   
The doorbell rang and he got up to open. 

  
“Castiel ! ” He exclaimed, surprised. 

  
The priest looked tired. He let him in, making him sit on the couch. 

  
“No one is home yet. Dean should be here soon.” 

  
“It’s you I wanted to see. ” 

  
“Me ? Why ? ” 

  
Castiel looked straight into his eye so intensely that Sam flinched. 

  
“I was the one who found Father Walker’s body. Everyone knows what was found with him, but… I gave you the journal last. And that feather, I remember it. You always had it with you when you were younger. It’s unlike any other feather. ” 

  
Sam was speechless. He had worried about being found out, but being directly confronted by Castiel was more stressful than he thought.

  
“Sam, did you give those to Father Walker ? He also asked where was the box with the holy wood, and you were the last one to go into the old room. Do you know anything about what he was doing ? ” 

  
“He wanted to make sure the Devil stayed trapped. ” 

  
“I thought he didn’t really believe in the legend. ” 

  
“That’s what I thought, but he did. ”

  
“I know he found something in the journal, things I can’t understand. But he never talked about it. ” 

  
“Castiel… Do you believe that your ancestor effectively trapped the Devil in the church ? ” 

  
He was sweating, avoiding Castiel’s gaze. He had hesitated, but keeping all that to himself was hard. 

  
“I do. In a way. ” 

  
“But literally ? For real ? ” 

  
Castiel took a time to think about it. 

  
“I think I do. I always liked the stories about James Novak. He died for his beliefs, and I like to think he didn’t die for nothing. I suppose it’s the same for Father Walker. He must have known he was going to die. To keep us safe. ” 

  
“I freed him.” Sam blurted. 

  
Castiel blinked then titled his head, confused. 

  
“What ? Who ? ” 

  
“The Devil.” 

  
“You freed the Devil ? ” 

  
“I… I didn’t want Father Walker to die, I mean, I don’t anyone to get hurt… But… ” 

  
“Sam, how would you have done that ? ”

Castiel gently said. 

  
“He told me how. And the journal too. ” There was a pregnant pause between them. “I made a mistake, didn’t I ? ” He said softly. 

  
Castiel didn’t know what to say. Sam had always had this interest in the legend, so much he had claimed to see the Devil. Could he have been right ? Had they failed to see the truth, dismissing it as a child fantasy ?

  
“What don’t you tell me what happened that night ?” 

  
He told him. It was an amazing feeling to finally confess everything. Not to censor or convince himself, trying to find a rational explanation. He told him what Lucifer said, how he could read the journal and he even told him how Father Walker died. When he stopped talking, his eyes were wet. 

  
“I don’t know what I should do. What have I done Castiel ? ” 

  
The priest was at loss for words. Imagining the Devil walking the earth was hard, but imagining Sam freeing him and killing the exorcist was overwhelming. Sam was looking at him with pleading eyes, seeming totally lost. He had no idea what to say to reassure him. 

  
“Hey Castiel ! I didn’t know you were gonna come. Sam, is something wrong ? ” 

  
“Sorry Dean, we were talking about Jessica. ” 

  
He was grateful that Castiel had come up with such a quick answer. The man seemed remarkably calm for someone who had just hear a confession of murder and he wasn’t sure he believed him. 

  
“There was someone who asked about you Sammy. At work. Said he knows you from college. ” 

  
“Who was it ? ” 

  
“Now you’re talking about it, he didn’t give me his name. Huh, older, blond, kinda tall, something a bit creepy. A teacher of yours ? ” 

  
“What did he say ? ” 

  
“Asked how you were doing. He said he was worried. I told him why you weren’t coming for now. What the hell was he doing here ? He

left so quickly, I didn’t even saw him leave. ”   
Sam felt a fluttering sensation in his stomach. According to Dean's description, it was Lucifer. The angel was still in town.

  
“I asked if he wanted to come see you, but he said he wanted you to contact him. Something about not wanting to upset you. Did something happen ? ” 

  
“No ! No. I… I’ll give him a call. ” 

  
Castiel began explaining to Dean how they were going to give mass now they had been relocated in the culture center and how much Zachariah was in a bad mood.   
Having talked with Castiel had released some of the pressure. But what had said Dean had made him nervous again. He debated the whole night whether he should ask Lucifer to meet. He remembered too vividly the sensation of abandon when he called him without getting any response. The day after, he decided to go for it. 

The woods were chilly. Sam walked until he was deep inside. He took a deep breath. 

  
“Lucifer ? I… Can you hear me ? I’m in the woods. ” 

  
He waited a few moments, only hearing chirping birds. Then, finally, the fluttering of bigger wings. 

  
“Sam.” 

  
He seemed more real, more solid than ever. Sam could feel his grace reaching to him, gentle waves coming back and forth. His wings were out, seeming to shine light among the trees. He took a few steps towards Sam, making his heart jump. He was breathing faster, emotion riding in him. The angel stopped in front of him, letting only a few centimeters between them. Sam wanted to say so many things he didn’t even know what to begin with. He had doubted a lot, but having Lucifer close to him once again cleared all his doubts. Lucifer tentatively out a hand on Sam's chest. The sensation he had waited so long for was finally filling his soul. It was galaxies, light, electricity and so much more that went through his mind. He was being filled with the universe through Lucifer. And he knew he wouldn’t make him sick this time.   
He closed the gap between them, wrapping him arms around the angel’s waist – he was shorter than him now. His fingers found their way through the feathers and he felt Lucifer shiver. He was a bit tense, but he slowly put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. 

  
“I’m sorry I ran. I panicked. ” 

  
“I was angry. It overwhelmed you.”

  
Lucifer took his head between his hands, their foreheads touching. 

  
“We’re bonded. I won’t leave you. I won’t hurt you. I’ll give you everything if you want it.” 

  
“I only need you. ” 

  
He would have be embarrassed as saying something so cliché, something he would have said to Jess, but it was true and it felt right. He felt complete, with a sensation of belonging he never felt before. What they had wasn’t normal, but he finally felt free. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the fic is finished. But I will make an epilogue, because Luci had to meet Sam's family in one way or another, I think it can be funny !  
> And I want to see how Sam is settling now he can be with Lucifer. Oh and Castiel knows the truth so he has to see for himself !


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you order extra fluff ? Here it is. Enjoy !

Epilogue 

  
Dean was worried. He had always worried for Sam, he always did and he always would. But sometimes, he worried more. Like when Jess died, he worried that Sam wouldn’t get over it. But then he got better, surprisingly quickly. The first time he saw that teacher of Sam -no one had confirmed he was a teacher, but what else could he be ? – he had been unsettled by the man. Creepy. There was something creepy about him, about the way he had asked for Sam. Too much interest. Maybe he worried too much. Maybe he shouldn’t be here, hiding behind a newspaper in a garden in the city, spying on his baby brother. But weren’t they sitting a bit too close ? Weren’t they looking at each other a bit too intensely ? Sam had never talked about being attracted to men, and that wasn’t the point anyway. That guy was way too old. When did it start ? Was he taking advantage of Sam ? Dean narrowed his eyes when Sam laughed, his hand on the older man’s elbow. What did he say that was so funny ?

  
“You do know that your brother is watching us, don’t you ? ” 

  
“Where ? ” 

  
“Behind the tree, and a newspaper. He’s wearing sunglasses. ” 

  
“Oh no… He’s worried. He always was overprotective.” 

  
He didn’t know what to tell Dean. “Hey, this is Lucifer, you remember, my imaginary friend, who’s actually not imaginary at all, but is a real angel. Oh and he’s really the Devil but don’t worry, he’s not that bad. ” ? No, that wouldn’t go well. Over a pie maybe ? No, all the pie in the world wouldn’t make it better.   
Sam was back at Stanford. His friends were happy to see him and they all gathered to pay their respects to Jessica. It was still hard, but he wasn’t alone. 

  
Lucifer came and left often. He was vague at first, saying he had business elsewhere. But Sam was curious -and maybe still a bit scared about having started the apocalypse. Lucifer then told him he was technically ruling Hell so he had to show up sometimes, to make sure everything was in order. He also explained that the universe was huge and that there were some stars he missed sometimes. He had refused to take Sam there. “You’re human remember ? You'd die in a second. ”To what Sam had answered that he couldn’t wait to die to be only a soul and being able to go anywhere, like in that French book The little prince. Lucifer gave him a deadpan look and told him he could make so Sam would never die. They argued a bit more, and in the end, they made a compromise, so that Lucifer had to take Sam visit Earth when he went somewhere interesting. They had gone to places that were unaccessible to humans – not equipped with angelic presence that is to say. He had hesitated to ask the question, but he had finally asked Lucifer one day of he wanted to go back to Heaven. The angel had made a conflicted face and said after a moment that there was nothing left for him up there. 

  
They met in the church's garden sometimes. Stull church had found many excited fans of the legend, who had given so much money that they were able to repair most of the damage. They had left a part in ruins, because it was too much work and also because it was good for tourism. Castiel was the first to officially meet Lucifer. It was only fair, given that he knew the truth from Sam. He didn’t know how the priest was gonna react and hoped he wouldn’t be a mistake. 

  
“Sam ? I heard you came home yesterday. Oh, hello. Dean said you were Sam's teacher ? ” 

  
“Castiel, ahem… This is… Lucifer ? ” 

  
Maybe it had been too brutal. Maybe the wings were too much – he was showing off, Sam was sure ! How would he tell Dean that they had broken Castiel ? The priest stood a few minutes totally immobile, mouth opened, then dropped on the floor and began praying. 

  
“Every fucking time.” Lucifer grumbled. “At least, he’s not throwing holy water on me. ” 

  
“Who did that ? ” 

  
“More people you would imagine. ” 

  
In the end, Castiel took it pretty well. He was still wary of the angel, but Sam's happiness seemed to do it for him. When he got more at ease, less worried about being smote or thrown in hell, he timidly asked about his ancestor. Lucifer indulged him, telling him about the angel who had spoken to Jimmy.   
They didn’t say anything to Zachariah. Which meant that the priest sent furious glare to Lucifer, and tried to lecture him about his lack of faith once, when the angel had declared that God didn’t have any interest in anyone’s fate. It was pretty funny. 

He told Dean, eventually. His brother didn’t take it as well as Castiel. But it was telling him the truth or letting him believe that he was dating an older man who was his teacher. Sam wasn’t sure what was worse in Dean's eyes. 

  
“Satan ? You’re dating Satan ? ” 

  
“Why do you keep saying we’re dating ? ” 

  
“You’re not ? ” 

  
“I… I don’t think it means anything to him. ” 

  
Dean made a face that was both threatening and scandalized. He then brought the subject of Father Walker. Sam thought he was going to lose it, say he was a monster, a murderer and ask him to leave, but as soon as Lucifer said the exorcist had tried to kill Sam, he seemed to relax. If Satan had saved his little brother, then he could tolerate him at least.

  
“I can’t believe it. Everything was real.”

  
They didn’t get along though. Dean didn’t hesitate to threaten him, in case anything happened to Sam. Lucifer still didn’t like humans, apart from Sam, so nor Dean neither Castiel were ever going to be his friends. 

  
He tried the family dinner once. They pretended Lucifer was working at the university's library and had studied theology. John and Mary had been polite, but they both felt something was off. They took Sam apart later, asking him what kind of relationship they had exactly. Sam tried to lie as best as he could, but he knew they weren’t convinced. They had decided that Lucifer should make himself look a bit younger but clearly, it hadn’t been enough. How could he explain to his parents that whatever Lucifer looked like, he was a celestial being who was million years old ? Maybe he would tell them the truth one day. His friends also wondered who it was he kept meeting. He couldn’t lie to them about the university's library, so it had been trickier. 

  
Apart from that, life was good. He got his law degree, and wasn’t sure what he wanted to with it yet. Travelling with Lucifer was the best part. It was almost weird to feel so happy after all these years, spent hiding or denying himself. They also travelled to popular destinations, Sam trying to show Lucifer how humanity could be enjoyable. He showed him movies, bought him food and even clothes. He was partial to suits but Lucifer kept arguing that angels were designed to be naked -and honestly, Sam wasn’t sure it had been God’s intention or if Lucifer just liked to be provocative. It was weird sometimes, to live with an angel. He wondered if Lucifer wouldn’t get bored, living mostly like a human and staying with him, but the angel answered that he didn’t have anything better to do. 

  
He hated interacting with people, saying that social codes didn’t make any sense to him. Sam thought it was funny, most of the time. He had a few scares sometimes, but nobody was killed. Not even Meg, the waitress at his favorite coffret shop, who kept making innuendos and trying to not so sublty ask about their relationship. It embarrassed Sam but seeing Lucifer react to some comments made him laugh so much that he didn’t begrudge her. She was also very nice, and made a mean milkshake. They avoided the other waitress, surnamed Abbadon by Lucifer. “She reminds me of the real one somehow” he had said. 

  
Sam got a feather tattooed on his wrist. He liked touching the real ones better, but having it on his skin comforted him when Lucifer wasn’t here. 

  
“How many stars are there ? ” 

  
They were somewhere lost in a country he didn’t even know the name of. Lucifer hadn’t said anything, he had just took him there. There were deep lakes, and at night, the sky let the Milky Way shine in all it’s glory.

  
“I never counted. My favourites can’t be seen from Earth. ”

  
He dropped his head on the angel’s shoulder. As always, he got a side look, but no comment. It was quiet, a bit chilly, as were all Lucifer’s favourite places. He let himself feel the angel’s grace, goosebumps forming on his skin. Lucifer placed a hand on his chest, gently reaching for his soul. He could feel every atoms, every movement, of stars, of the Earth moving and the water where fish were swimming. He shivered and Lucifer withdrew a few moments later. 

  
“Thank you. ” 

  
The angel smiled in return, wrapping his wings around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over !   
> I had a lot of fun writing this fic. I hadn't written for a long long time and Supernatural really made me a great impression.   
> I love the Sam/Lucifer dynamic. Not the canon, because it's clearly violent but I like to think of what it could have been. I like to imagine Lucifer happy, of what he could have had if he had been less destructive, and if he had someone on his side to help him.   
> Maybe I'll write another one. I would love to write a priest AU, (but with sex in it, so not the same kind) and I guess it could be a Castiel / demon Dean, but I don't have affinity with Dean. So maybe...   
> I put Meg in the end, because I really love her. I am totally a Destiel person, but knowing they wouldn't do it, I would have been happy with Megstiel. They were cute.   
> I hope you liked this fic ! Thank you for all your support :D   
> Smell you later !


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